CHRISTIAN DATING 101: WHY YOU SHOULD NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED

It always causes an uproar on social media whenever I post that believers should not be unequally yoked to unbelievers. Mainly because it is always seen as discriminatory and judgmental, people always go ahead and give the example of Jesus hanging out with unbelievers.

So to get this out of the way let me explain what it means to be yoked,; A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox would walk more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.

That is one definition, I googled and another definition I found was: two to be joined in a close relationship. This brings me to explain to anyone who argues out that Jesus hang out with unbelievers,  case in example the tax collector. If we take this definition of people being in close relationship, Jesus was not in close relationship with this dude, even though they hang out. Who was in close relationship with Him? His disciples were in close relationship with Him, why do I say this? He would share His plans with them, He would tell them that He would be persecuted and raise from the dead after 3 days, something He did not disclose to other people. So He was never yoked to unbelievers.

With that out of the way, let me say I do not write this to make you look down upon unbelievers, or to condemn them, because as Christians we are called to love and show grace, the same grace that God showed us. I only write this, to remind us as Christians that we are called to live a different life once we receive Christ because we have been made new. Once we receive salvation through grace, we are called to work out our salvation, to let go of the things we did before we knew Christ. We are called to live in obedience because if we love God we will obey Him (John 14:15).

I specifically talk about dating in this article although we are still called not to be unequally yoked in ALL close relationships we have.

So why should you not be unequally yoked?


1. Your calling/destiny depends on it

Solomon over his lifetime married alot of women and ended up marrying women from tribes that worshiped idols and this turned his heart from God. Because of this, God said He would take David's family out of leadership from 9 tribes of Israel and ONLY  because God had made a covenant with his father David,  his family would still rule over 2 tribes.

Samson ended up marrying from a tribe also that did not worship God and as a result he ended up being ruled by the very people he was meant to rule over.

Some of the Kings of Israel later on married into Ahab's family who we know was married to Jezebel and they worshiped other gods, all the Kings who married from this family, turned their hearts away from God (Read 2 Kings) and did not rule for very long as a consequence.


All these men altered their destinies only because they yoked themselves with women who who did not worship the ONE true God.

You see every time God warns His people not to do something, He never does it to ruin the 'fun' but to protect their calling, because He knows what He has planned for them and who they should walk with in order to fulfill their destiny.


2. You are going to save them.........NOT!

As much as you want to convince yourself that you dating them or marrying them will save them, you will not. Why? because Christ is the one who saves people, no one saved you, only God did. Actually what you do whenever you are dating an unbeliever is standing in the way of God to work in them, you make the person dependent on you for saving, for you to remind them how to be a Christian, for you to keep dragging them to church. You forget this is the work of the Holy Spirit, the conviction to live as a Christian is the work of the Holy Spirit. So please, get out of the way, you are NOT that powerful!

3. You will influence a whole generation

One aim of godly marriages is to raise godly children, who will as a result influence their generation. You see, whoever you marry will raise your children  with you, if they do not know God, how will this work.  If you believe in Jesus as God and they think..oh Jesus is a really cool guy who had wisdom? Just like  the unequally yoked oxen where one of them being shorter, making them not to work well together, this will not work. Because you two have totally different ideologies and beliefs, how can a divided home stand? 

4. The relationship will lead you further from Christ

As much as we never want to admit this, the person we are closest to will always influence a big chunk of our life. As a Christian, you want someone who will push you to grow in faith, push you to seek God more and when you have problems who will point you to Christ as the solution and not themselves. How can you have this when the person closest to you doesn't care about growing in Christ? How will they influence your life?  Like Solomon and Samson, their unequally yoked relationships, led them further from God.


I am not a relationship expert, and I cannot tell you who to marry or not to marry. But if you are a Christian, I pray you follow the word of God and listen to the Holy Spirit. Choosing a lifetime partner is the second most important decision you will make after receiving Christ as a believer. Because your destiny, your generation and life will be tied to them.

I pray that you will find courage to obey and walk out of an unequally yoked relationship (not marriage) so that you can live out your purpose.

I pray that you will be patient enough to wait, to wait for someone who loves and pursues Christ as you do, someone who you will share purpose with, someone who you will push you closer to Christ.

I pray you will choose an extraordinary life that is guided by His word, that will work out just as He has planned.

and finally......

2 Cor 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

PRAYER: GOD THIS IS NOT WHAT I ASKED FOR!

I have been reading the story of Elisha and I came across a dude called Naaman. He had leprosy and was looking for healing and word got to Elisha.  As Naaman went to see Elisha, he met up with Elisha's servant, Elisha had told his servant to meet Naaman and tell him to go wash himself in river Jordan 7 times. Well, you would think this dude would go straight to river Jordan and do this because is this not what he has been looking for?  but this dude got so angry that Elisha did not meet up with him personally and put his hand over his wounds and call out to heaven for his healing and to make matters worse he asked him to wash himself in river Jordan when there were better and cleaner rivers in the city! How dare he?  Long story short, his servant had to beg him to do what Elisha said and he went ahead and washed his body 7 times in river Jordan and was healed.


I remember reading this story and thinking, "this dude is crazy, who does he think he is?" but the Holy Spirit convicted me of the many times I have acted like Naaman.  Why? Because I have.....

Expectations of the answered

Naaman believed that God would ONLY heal him if Elisha would put his hand over his wounds and call out to heaven for his healing. He expected to be asked to do something grand BUT, God had other plans, a simpler plan which involved him going to the Jordan and wash his body 7 times.

How many times have you asked God to intervene in your situation expecting Him to answer you in a specific way. Praying for a spouse and giving Him a long list of the requirements you expect and even how, when and where to meet the person, praying for a certain job where you would do specific things and earn a certain amount of money, praying to get into a certain school, praying for healing of a loved one, praying for a specific idea, for a home, for a specific car e.t.c

The thing is, we have no power over God, He is GOD. He already had a plan for your life when He formed you in your mother's womb, He knows EVERYTHING! (Jeremiah 1:5)

Just like Naaman we may risk missing out on our answered prayer because we are focused on our expectations of how God will answer our prayers. We might miss out on that spouse, job, opportunity etc because God has not answered us in the way we expected Him to.

 I used to wonder why sometimes people would say a loved one was healed even though they died, but I see it now that God answered that prayer but not in the way we expected Him to.  I see men and women keeping good women and men in the friend-zone because they do not necessarily meet a 'silly' requirement in their list( I almost did this to my husband), I see people passing up internships or not-so-well praying jobs because they expect more yet that job would open up doors for what they wanted etc...

We have to get to a place where we trust that God has the BEST plan for us because He sees the beginning to the end. He knows EXACTLY what you need even before you ask Him (Mathew 6:8)



 Compared the answered prayer

Naaman thought that other rivers (Abana and Pharphar) were better than Jordan and even if he was to go wash himself in a river, he would prefer them.

Has God ever answered your prayer and immediately when you see someone else's answered prayer you think that surely couldn't God have done this for you? I know I have been guilty of this.
Like you have been praying for a job and it comes then you hear your friend has landed another one that pays twice what you earn and start thinking..'that should have been my blessing' etc

Just like Naaman, where his answer lied (river Jordan) did not look as appealing as the other two rivers. If he had gone and washed himself in any of these two rivers (no pun intended for Kenyans :-)) he would not have received his healing. If you try to go for the same exact thing as our friend, neighbor, relative etc thinking that it would be an answer to our prayer, you might end up being disappointed and think why is God not coming through for you?

Again, God knows the EXACT thing you need to do, the opportunities you need to go for, the person you need etc He has custom made your life to fit your purpose. So stop comparing your journey to that of others, you have been instructed to go to 'river Jordan' do exactly that, do not waver just because it does not look glamorous or its not what you expected. Trust that God has everything under control.



By all means do not take this as me saying that you settle for less, instead take this to challenge you to ask God  to confirm whenever something looks like an answered prayer from Him. So that you will not be too quick to get mad at God and miss out on the very thing you were praying for.

Just like Naaman, despite him not believing at first, God gave him another opportunity which led him to his healing. So do not be discouraged if you feel like you have passed on, on something that might have been God answering your prayer. Instead, pray for God to give  you another chance and help you trust Him this time round. He is a God of infinite chances.

WOMEN IN THE BIBLE: Lessons on courage

The other day I read an article on how a woman was presenting her thesis in booty shorts and when the lecturer commented about her dressing being unprofessional, she decided to strip down to her undies....and the caption on it was...'Such bravery!' and  most readers were applauding her behavior....then the same day a friend shared a video of a woman complaining at a restaurant and to make her point to the management of the institution, she removed her pants and did some things I do not even want to repeat here and jokingly my friend captioned it as..'strength of a woman'....I could go on and on about the things around us today that people applaud and consider as women being courageous.

I want to share stories of women in the bible, who I consider showed courage...real courage. I believe, real courage comes from a place where someone does something despite being fearful to achieve a greater good, to change something for the better and not make it worse.  So these three ladies, were courageous enough to do the things they did which changed the world forever and I hope we can learn a few things from them.


1. Mary-Mother of Jesus

Just like any other engaged young woman, she must have been so excited and looking forward to her big day when she will finally be one with the man of her dreams. Probably just like any other young christian couple who are about to get married, they had probably been praying and fasting for their big day to be successful. Then the same God she was praying to sends an angel to tell her that she will have a child without being with a man and He will be named Jesus who will be called the son of the Most High. Then the amazing thing about this story is that, Mary simply told the Angel... “I am willing to be used of the Lord. Let it happen to me as you have said.” 

Whoa! Hold up! Mary, but you are about to get married!, aren't you worried that Joseph will leave you? that you will not have your dream wedding? that people will talk? Everyone knows you are a virgin, how will you explain this to them? 

None of these things mattered to her at this moment, ALL she wanted was to be used of the Lord. Such that she was willing to give up her plans for the sake of being used by God. We all know how things turned out....

Are you willing to be courageous enough to give up your plans, your ambitions, your dreams, a relationship, a job,  a way of living etc for the sake of being used of the Lord? Are you? Do you have the kind of courage that will make you trust in God enough to believe He has a great plan for you even if you do not see it at the moment? to believe that He is who He says He is, that He is a provider, protector and healer?

Trusting God is not a leap in the dark, but it is a bold step into an amazing life which only He can give.



2. Samaritan Woman- The woman at the well

So this woman used  to go fetch water during the day so that she would not meet the other women because she was the talk of the town. She was the woman, no woman wanted her husband or son to look her way, she was the woman who people would whisper when she passes and maybe some even shout at her and call her 'shameless' for having been with 4 dudes already and now she was getting it on with the 5th one.

Then one day as she was going to fetch water, she met up with Jesus and she was amazed that He knew the mess she had made of her life and even when she was honest about to it with Him, He didn't stand up from the well in utter shock nor did He make her feel bad about herself but instead He spoke to her with love and revealed Himself to her as the Messiah which changed her life forever!

Here is the interesting part, this woman who probably walked around with her head down and never wanted to bump into the town's people because of how they would treat her, at this moment, she no longer cared about what these people think about her when she rushed back to the town to tell them about Jesus. She left her water jar there and forgot all about her insecurities, her past, everything! and she...out of all the people....had the nerve to tell people about the Jesus.....and surprisingly people came out probably out of curiosity or because they were surprised that she would dare do this. Because of this, many people from her town believed in Jesus that day.......

Her encounter with Christ freed her from her struggles and from her mess....it gave her courage to talk about Christ even when many would think she was not worthy to....this encounter ignited a fire in her that despite what people would say or think of her...she was unashamed of talking about Christ.

Have you encountered Christ? Do you know that there is freedom in Him? That you do not have to live the way you do now?  I hope you will accept Christ into your life, He is more than able to make the much needed change you need in your life.

Being in Christ makes us courageous because there is freedom in Christ to be the best version of ourselves and make a lasting change in our generation. 


3. Esther

After Queen Vashti was deposed because of refusing to join the King at his banquet, it was time to get a new Queen. So the search for beautiful, young virgins (quoted from the bible) started and Esther was among those chosen and long story short, she became Queen.

There was a plot by Haman (Haman was an Agagite and the son of Hammedatha. Haman was likely a descendent of Agag, king of the Amalekites, long-time enemies of the Jewish people. God had told King Saul to destroy the Amalekites centuries earlier (1 Samuel 15:3), but Saul failed to obey the command. His disobedience led to the loss of his kingdom and, in Esther’s time, the threat of annihilation for all Jews)...anyway Haman was plotting on killing Jews.

The whole time Esther was Queen, she had never revealed she was a Jew because Mordecai (her uncle) instructed her to do.  When Mordecai heard of this plot, he sent word to Esther requesting her to intervene for her people by going before the King.  I believe the question he posed to Esther asking her.... "And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”must have convinced her to agree to this.

Esther requested that all the Jews in that area to fast and pray for three days for her even as she did the same before she would go before the King.  It was forbidden to go to the King without being summoned, hence Esther would risk her life for doing this. So on the third day she wore her royal robes and went before the King and surprise surprise! she earned favor in his eyes and she was allowed to come to him....long story short.. Haman ended up dead and the Jews were saved.

So I will pose the same question to you, do you believe that you are in the position you are in now. in the family you are born in, working where you are or going to school where you are for such a time as this? For a time where the gospel is not popular, where being a Christian is not the coolest thing you can do.....what if you were born into the family you are in, going to the school you are going, working where you are working, serving where you are serving etc because God has specifically placed you there do His will, to be a light and salt? Will you step up and be courageous to be used of God just like Esther did? 

You were created to fulfill a specific purpose that ONLY YOU can. 



Thing is, ALL  these women would never have changed the world forever if they didn't show courage and mostly because they showed it in order to obey God. Hence courage that is not applied as a response to obeying God is just plain old bold foolishness..lol


 I would love to hear from you on more women from the bible who were courageous. 

Learning to be married-Year 1

I cannot believe it's already one year since we got married, time goes by so fast! It has one year of laughter, tears, fun days and not-so-fun days, days we are inseparable and days we cannot stand to be around each other, but most of all it's been a year full of God's faithfulness and love and this far we thank God for holding us together.

I write this not as an expert in marriage but as someone learning to be married...thing is when the pastor/priest pronounces you as husband and wife, at that moment you are married and the days after that is all about learning how to be in this covenant.
Okay enough of this...let's get to the lessons learned....

#1: You two are different!

You might say this is obvious....but it never really hits you until you start living together...just by the mere fact that you are man and woman, different personalities and raised from different backgrounds....let me tell you the spinach story:

Our honeymoon was amazing! We got to stay at three amazing hotels...we got back on a Sunday and we had to shop for our new home...while we were in the supermarket my newly wedded husband suggested we buy spinach....let's pause here before I tell you what happened next....this suggestion was absurd to me because....I grew up in Eastlands...where we never bought something like spinach from the supermarket...I got it from my homeboy at the 'kibanda'...where I would have it cut into pieces and packed for me...so I never explored the mystery of cutting spinach...okay with that out of the way...this is what happened after that suggestion...

Me: who is going to cut the spinach?
Newly wedded husband: (without skipping a beat) You
Me: I don't cut spinach....
Newly wedded husband: (extremely shocked)...you mean it's true Nairobi girls don't know these things..
Me: You should have asked  me when we were dating...

Well, the ride home wasn't so pleasant after this but he cut the spinach that night and we had dinner...and slept shocked but happy..lol
When we later discussed this...We discovered that the issue wasn't the spinach but...we have been raised in different backgrounds...my husband has grown up in a farm and they would grow their own spinach and therefore that cut them themselves...and at that moment....when we was shocked...
So this was exhibit one for us that we are totally different and now we had to find a way of living together.
I am happy to announce I now cut my spinach...mainly because my mother in law still has the farm and she gives us spinach and well...there is no way I am telling her I don't do it...lol but when we need it cut quickly...my husband steps in...so we have learned how to overcome this and adjust to each other...
For us it was the spinach story, for you it might be something different but fact is..in marriage you have to learn to accept one another and learn to live together with your difference...

#2: You will make mistakes

You have to leave allowance for yourself and your spouse to make mistakes...because I promise you....they will make them and YOU will make them.
There are times I have found myself not being so kind to my husband and I would beat myself up about it and sulk and think I am the worst! Then when my husband would make mistakes...I would be so so so disappointed and think...."this is not the man I married!"...but I got to a place where I accepted that we will make them and what we need to do...what I needed to do is learn from them and say sorry and forgive and move on...

#3: Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!

I struggle alot in this..I am not one who loves talking about my feelings especially when hurt...my husband on the other side is great at this. I can hold something inside for a while before I open up about it and it has made me exaggerate some issues here and there...
Communication is important because your spouse will never know if they have wronged you...or if they have done something you do not like if you do not tell them...
One of the ways of growing the intimacy in marriage is having open communication where you are unafraid of judgement or backlash...I am still learning this...and to be honest it's more of me not wanting to be vulnerable but...thing is in marriage you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to your spouse....

#4: Keeping Boundaries

Well, we kept our boundaries when dating and God enabled us to wait until marriage not only to have sex but even having our first kiss at the altar...and then came marriage...where we have had to learn to keep boundaries with our families...our friends and people of the opposite sex...
How we do it? We call out each other whenever we see any relationship that we have is about to cross the boundaries we have set....the biggest for me has been keeping a boundary with my mum...my mum is my best friend...and I have had to place her second since I got married which means she cannot know every single detail about my marriage especially out issues....
Then comes boundaries with the opposite sex....you see not everyone will respect the fact that you are married... it is not a big deal to people as it is for you...so it requires for us to protect each other alot... And alert each other whenever we see someone of the opposite sex getting too close....

#5:  Do not hold on to offense

I believe one of the weapons the enemy uses to destroy marriages is offense....
Like I said your spouse will offend you..(I can guarantee you) ..they will do something that will get on your nerves but you have to give allowance for that....holding on to offense only makes the matter bigger than it is...
I remember one time we argued about something so small...yet holding on to the offense made us not have peace in our home for three days! Three days!...three days where we would have spent time in God's presence together....build something...agree on other matters...etc..
You have to learn to forgive and let go of offense...keeping it in your heart will remove any chance of creating beautiful moments and building your marriage....

#6: Being friends helps ALOT!

When you talk of best of friends...we usually talk of people who accept each other the way they are...without trying to change the other person...we talk of people who are free to tell each other anything! Without being judged....we talk of people who would be there for one another without fail....we talk of people who are able to correct each other with love...we talk of people who love to spend time with each other.....so I tell you if you are not married....marry your friend! It will make life so much easier...
To be honest...there are times...I have cancelled plans to hang out with my friends so that I can just go home to my husband...not because we will have a romantic night but because I enjoy his company....I have had to let go of offense because he is the first person I want to talk to whenever something good or bad has happened....I look forward everyday..to come home and just 'beat stories' with him...because he is my buddy...

#7: Have quiet time with God

I know that once people get married there is this temptation of replacing their quiet time with praying with their spouse....well..it's great to spend time in prayer with your spouse..but you have to...you MUST spend time ALONE with God...why? In these moments God will speak to your heart concerning your spouse...concerning yourself!...you still remain an individual even after marriage...you still have to develop your OWN relationship with God...
For me, I have found these moments so helpful especially when we are going through something...because God always rebukes me of the role I have played in the issue..and I get to see my heart...
Your time alone with God matters alot because the better your relationship with God is...the better your relationship with your spouse will be...take my word for this...

#8: Continue dating

Before we got married we agreed that we would make every Friday night a date night...and I am happy we stuck to it..
You see the time spent together during the week is only limited to the evenings...which are occupied with making dinner...and the tiredness of the day..so we get Friday evenings to spend time outside our home and catch up....this is where we get to talk about how our marriage is... our finances....our future plans...without distractions that are in our home...we plan to continue this even when the children come....God help us

#9: Focus on your spouse's good qualities

There is a huge temptation of focusing on the bad things your spouse does....the bad things they said..etc...it's easy because when you two are married you see each other's weaknesses ...unlike before...
For me it's easier for me to remember the times my husband has not helped me with the chores than it is to remember the number of times he has...it's easier to remember the times where I have had to serve him even when I am tired than the times he has served me.....but something I have learned this year is...to focus on his good qualities...and especially when I am struggling to see anything good in him...and surprisingly! It has helped me form a positive attitude towards him and makes it easier for me to forgive him....
Your spouse has alot of good qualities....if need be...write them down especially when it's hard to see them and you will see how your attitude towards them will change....

#10: Have a purpose

I will be honest, the one thing I feared about getting married...is for it to be a routine where...we get married....have kids...retire...etc...I wanted for it to be something that has purpose...
We both have a heart for teens ministry and this is what brought us together in the first place....engaging in this ministry together has made our marriage so interesting, just waking up daily knowing that God has a purpose for us to fulfill together even pushes me to work harder to keep my commitment of 'till death' because I know my obedience has so much as stake.....

Again I do not write as an expert but as someone who is learning to be married....it's tough, it's fun,...and I believe I will keep learning and re-learning for the rest of my life....in the words of John Piper....Marriage is the hardest relationship to be in but it has great joy and great reward for those willing to keep their commitment"

The journey to the altar part 1: Lesson on trust

We met on 18th December 2013, started dating on 8th August 2014, got engaged on 5th March 2016...oooh wait I skipped that we started taking the relationship seriously on 5th March 2014..... we got engaged on 5th March 2016, and got married on 4th March 2017. I am baffled how I remember all these dates, oh well....

The following events took place between 5th March 2016 and 4th March 2017(add dramatic music):

5th March 2016

It was a warm, sunny(duuh, you said warm) Saturday and it was a beautiful day for me to turn 25. Grey had convinced me to skip a class I was going for that day so that we would celebrate my birthday with our friends. Well, it turned out to be a warm, sunny (again, duuh)  Saturday for me to get engaged to the love of my life.

13th August 2016

The following weeks after this, we would talk endlessly about the wedding date and we set the date to 13th August 2016. We only had to continue waiting for only 6 months! ,we both shared the date with our families and guess what! They flipped! oh, our mothers flipped! So turns out one of the major reasons my mother gave him her blessings to ask my hand in marriage was because he assured her that the wedding would not be so soon. After alot of back and forth we both gave in because after all we still needed to plan for the introductory ceremony for our families to meet and the dowry ceremony and not forgetting we didn't have the money to pull off a wedding so soon.

So 13th August ended up being the date when our families first met! and NOT the wedding date but a beautiful day indeed

3rd December 2016

Our families loved each other and a second ceremony was to be planned. We were still determined to set the wedding date and agreed on 3rd December 2016. It looked like the ideal date as we would have the dowry ceremony in October then get married in December. It was a plan! The perfect plan! We even won a spot to go for a wedding event where we stood the chance to win a honeymoon package and other prizes. 

We went for the event and ended up winning a 2kg cake! A 2kg cake! who serves a 2kg cake at a wedding??? Funny thing is, we both left the event convinced it was a message from God telling us.."wait". 

3rd December 2016 ended up being the day we had our dowry ceremony and it was beautiful!!

4th March 2017

I remember crying on the phone talking to Grey telling him that I do not think God wants us to get married and he calmly told me that maybe it was about time we prayed for a wedding date. In all honesty, I had heard people say that they prayed for a wedding date and God answered but I always wondered if it was their own thinking or just a random number popping in their minds as they pray. I agreed to it and we prayed for a couple of days and God revealed the date 4th March. (I know, I know, it just has to happen to you for you to understand).

So the date was set, 4th of March! and the day was amazing! God came through beyond our expectations! 

The best thing about this day is, we cannot take any credit for anything that happened that day, God sent people to give towards the wedding, we got free stuff, discounts, 800 guests showed up with so many gifts! and we even won a free makeover for the wedding and a honeymoon package! It was a day that had us in tears seeing what the Lord had done.

So why do I share this, it is to encourage any one of you waiting on God for anything, for those who have given God a deadline for showing up in their situation. To tell you that His timing, His plans are P.E.R.F.E.C.T. It is never in vain to wait on God, if we had insisted on our dates, we would have struggled planning for the wedding, maybe even ended up in debt without knowing that God had already planned it out from the moment we met and all we had to do is to submit to His will and trust that He is more than able to do what we ask or to give us what we ask for.

Ephesians 3:20-21: Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.…

SHOULD CHRISTIANS GET TATTOOS?

I have a small tattoo on my right arm...eerrrmm not arm,  on my wrist....and so I get people asking me this question..I usually go right ahead to explain how and why I got mine, just to remove the fascination behind it....

Why did I get it? We were working for an advertising company when I was in University with my best friend and we had to put up a display section for the products we were selling at some event. It happened that the guys who pitched tent next to us were tattoo guys, so we got an offer of exchanging our merchandise with a free tattoo so without hesitating, we chose a small tattoo so that it would take the shortest time possible before we are caught giving away free stuff....so it does not mean anything to me and I did not get emotional when I saw it after the artist was done....probably the only reason I would have been emotional is the pain....


So lets consider a few things before you get that tattoo...

1. Why do you want a tattoo?

1 Corinthians 10:31: So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

As a Christian we are called to do everything for God's glory, to do EVERYTHING with the aim of pleasing Him even the smallest things such as getting a tattoo....

So consider if the reason you want it falls within/outside glorying Him...and no do not tell me you will get a cross or whatever to show that you are a Christian...we know that our hearts matter more to God....with this in mind....consider the next point...

2. Have you asked God that question?

Most of the times when we get ourselves asking such questions as whether we should do something or not...is because we doubt what we want to do is right....

If the Holy Spirit has convicted you about it, then do not do it.......hold on..before you tell me that there is no conviction...have you prayed about it? have you asked God what He thinks about it?

So probably the right person to ask first is Him...He has ALL the answers.....

3. Is it necessary?

1 Corinthians 10:23: All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

I had always wanted to go back to get my tattoo improvised...and I remember sharing it with my then fiance and he went like " Do not do it"....of course this came as a shock to me because I was thinking..."who are you to tell me this?"..."It is not your body".....blablabla but I prayed about it and found peace with it...I keep thinking if I insisted and went ahead with my plan despite him saying no..what would have happened to our relationship? what message would I be passing to the man I was planning to get married to and submit to?

You see probably you getting your tattoo goes against your parents' advice or whoever's advice, so will it be of benefit? Yes is is permitted but will it build or destroy your relationships? Is it even going to build you as an individual? what value is it adding?

I got mine before I got saved and hence I did not consider these things as I was my own boss lol...and now I will say it is usually a great conversation starter with people who notice it..and it being a cross I got the chance to give a new reason behind it...that it reminds me of the sacrifice Christ made for me on the cross....God redeemed this for me....

So I cannot give a yes or no answer but I can ask you to consider the three things above and make the decision after....

WHEN GOD TELLS YOU TO LEAVE A RELATIONSHIP (Ladies listen up)

Over the past few months I have received a lot of messages from ladies who are struggling to get out of relationships they know they should not be in...mainly because the relationship does not glorify God. The common thing about all these ladies is that they know they deserve better and should not be there but they just cannot get themselves to call it quits....why? its scary starting over....the guy is a good guy even though he is not saved....

Well, for me I have been there and done that and made every excuse not to walk out of that relationship actually the same excuses the ladies make...so I totally understand EXACTLY what they are going through....So I chose to share four things you need to consider if you are playing with the thought of walking out of a relationship because you know it is not right in the eyes of God or if you ever find yourself in such a situation.....I hope this helps...


1. You are choosing the man over God

Yes, you are....it may not look like it but consider this.....God is telling you to walk out and trust Him to take care of things for you.....so what you are really telling Him when you choose NOT to walk away is...."God I do not think I can live without this person but I think I can live without you"......no? I am reading too much into this? Consider this.....

Philippians 3:7-8: But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ

You see when you encounter Christ and truly surrender to Him nothing else comes before Him....you count everything else that you did before or valued before meeting Him a loss compared to what you have gained in Him....why? Because He is God! Meaning if He calls you to do something, you should not even think twice about it but immediately obey...IF and only IF He means so much to you.....

2. You are choosing a mediocre life

Thing is, God created you and knows your beginning till the day you will take your last breath....He has seen it all....and the plans He has for you are beyond your wildest dream.....but how do we get to tap into them? By living according to His will....His will you ask? His will is for you to be in a relationship that glorifies Him...that puts Him first.....

So choosing NOT to obey Him is choosing a life that is less incredible...less amazing....less every good and perfect plan He has for you....He has His best in store for you if you would only trust Him by stepping out on the wrong one, then you will see it.....

Luke 11:28: He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

3. A good guy without God is NO GOOD

 I have heard this and said this before: " He is a good guy" , "I can't leave him, he has not done me any wrong", " He is not like most guys", "He is sweet"...etc

Thing is ANYONE can be "good" or "nice"... all it takes is to do and say the right/appropriate things. The guy is nice, no one can refuse that BUT who is he accountable to? What moral compass does he use? What can he do or not do? What principles does he operate with?

If a man does not hold himself accountable to God, anything can go with him, ..lets take an example of the big S word SEX...so what will be acceptable to him? I am guessing he is okay having sex with you ....so  you are the only one he is sleeping with...so that is good enough for you because after all there are so many guys sleeping with a ton of girls.

But lets see a godly man, His standards are those that God has set...you see in matters of sex he understands until he is in a covenant with you, he has no right to know you in that way....

I do not mean that a godly man will be perfect, but he will be led by the Holy Spirit and he will understand how to love you as God intended for you to be loved and He will lead you closer to Christ not further away...

4.Do not believe the lies

You know the lies that go like ; You will never find a better guy, God will give you someone you are not attracted to, You will be left out, All the good men are taken..etc.
Do not believe them! Because they all come from the father of lies! Trying to keep you from experiencing the life in abundance that Christ provides....which includes a healthy and godly relationship.....

Consider this, God put the desire in your heart and He has a plan for it....so why would His plan go against His word...He tells you to be patient and trust Him, trust Him to present His best  for you in due time, to rest in Him and let Him write your love story.....



Lastly I just want to make a prayer for you:

Dear God,
 I commit every single lady struggling to get out of a relationship that does not please you, that Lord you will give them the strength and courage to walk out. I come against fear that will make them settle for less, fear that will make them think they will never meet your best. I pray that they will be able to heal and move on  and wait on your story of their lives. In Jesus name,

Amen