GRENID: LESSON ON PATIENCE

We always have a date day on Friday evening with my fiance, so you can imagine how full of life I usually am on Fridays and of course I make sure I finish all pending work assignments on time so I leave the office at exactly 4:30 pm....so this day  was no different.

I left on time and passed by his work place at 5:00 pm sharp and I imagined how I would get there with him having a big smile, I would be blushing and we would hug and catch up a bit and walk out of the office with hands interlocked, all happy and stealing glances of each other as we walked to our date spot. aaaawwww.....but when I got there(add sound effects)....he had a visitor in the office and I said hi and waited for them to finish, I sat outside his office returning calls that I had missed that day and 10 minutes passed and they were not done....so I logged into Facebook, and killed another 10 minutes and they were still not done, .. I logged into Instagram and safaricom were kind enough to notify me that I am running out of bundles after 2.5 minutes..sigh...so I started checking my whatsapp messages and even read the long group messages that I avoid......yaaaaawwwwn...I looked at my watch and it was 5:45pm....

I started getting frustrated at this point  and  I texted him ;.."yawa! You are not done?" He replied 1.567 minutes later( Yes I was counting ) that he is done and to my relief the door opened and I faked a smile for the visitor as they said goodbye.....

Remember how I imagined us hugging and catching up and me blushing? Lol this is what went down.....
He walked out of the office looking exhausted and  I immediately asked him..."Now why did you keep me this long? I should have waited in town for you" He went on to apologize, my response was..Ok...

He locked up the office and we walked down to the main entrance to leave the Cathedral and as we walk down two teenagers call him and he excuses himself to go greet them. So I stood there waiting for him....4.25 minutes later he was still not done....

At this point I was outright mad and walked away,thinking "This guy, nkt! He does not even value our time together...and he does not value my time...it is already 6:00pm and I got here at 5:00 pm what is wrong with him?" I walked quite a distance then I saw him  running after me and  caught up with me..then I increased my pace..lol.......
So when he caught up with me..this is what went down..

Grey: Why aren't you picking my phonecalls?
Me: (I honestly did not hear it ring...but instead of saying this I go ahead and say...)..Oh you called?
Grey: What is wrong? I even thought you decided to go home
Me: (The thought crossed my mind but thought that would be cruel) My answer: Yes I want to go home
Grey: What is wrong? (as we cross the road)
Me: Nothing!
Grey: Clearly there is something wrong...
Me: I said nothing!

So we went into the supermarket, and he had to leave his bag at the luggage place so instead of waiting for him, I get into the supermarket at the speed of 20km/hr...., I was so mad, I forgot what I was coming for so we walked through the supermarket for like 5 minutes.before I remembered....lol and after paying for my goods we walk out and head out to our date spot...

We got to the spot and the waitress comes over....(am still mad by the way) I gave her  the biggest smile ever and we ordered then immediately she left I went back to my 'angry face'. Our order was served and the first 10 minutes of that date was him asking me what is wrong and me telling him...Nothing!!

That night, God convicted me and showed me to myself.....He showed me, how impatient I am....and because I was so angry I failed to see that Grey already had a long day and the last thing he needed was me acting up, he was counselling the guest on some heavy stuff and...the teenagers  had an appointment with him which he cancelled because of our date......
I was also reminded of the countless times Grey had to wait for me when I am late( usually I never have any solid reasons) and he always does this with so much patience and never complains...I was humbled and I ended up apologizing to him that night.....

......so the next time I had to wait for him I went out to eat biscuits and enjoy the sun and patiently waited and fought through my emotions...

Point is, God taught me how to be patient and considerate with Grey, and He still is teaching me.....I must say that with every disagreement we have, my character gets  refined....and this is just courtship..I just wonder how much more marriage will teach me....oh boy!

Love is patient........

My Story: Going back to my first love.

August is mission month at my church and this time it was dubbed as #tellmeyourstory.....and so I was picked to share my story based on three questions; How my life was before I met Christ, How I met Christ and How my life is now that I have Christ.
At first, I wanted to say no because I didn't 'feel' ready then that week I heard people over and over again say that we should never be afraid to share our story...and I accepted but it freaked me out that I was to share it in front of the whole church and I prayed about it and then I was rescheduled and given an option to do it on camera and I immediately accepted and thought.....'easy peasy..lemon squeezy'.....so the day came and I shared my story, well the short summarized censored version and when I finished the camera guy told me..I still do not know Enid.....and long story short when I did the second take....tears flowed!.....It reminded me where Christ took me from and well I thought it was about time to share it here as well.......

How my life was before I met Christ

I used to find  my identity in relationships, I would jump from one relationship to another, I always felt like I was not okay if I was not in one. I will fast forward to when I was 23 years and I had already slept with 3 guys and made out with I guess 10 and now I was in another relationship where we were having sex. I never missed going to church every Sunday and I would always wear a dress, physically I was present in church but my mind was on the 'escapades' I had the previous night.......so it never really mattered what the preacher would say...The guilt was there when I would sleep with my then boyfriend but over time it went away and it was normal to me until we would share tips among my friends.....up until....

How I met Christ

.....A friend of mine shared with me  this post by Heather Lindsey (THIS) and I related so much to it and at the end she asked God for a man who would wait to kiss her on their wedding day.....and I remember telling God that if such guys exist and they are attractive I will leave the guy I am with....
for me even before I met Christ, I always knew that the man I will marry will be someone who we would have waited till marriage so I knew my then boyfriend was not it but I still did not want to let go of the relationship...after reading the post I could not shake off the guilt I felt every time I was in bed with the guy....I always felt like I chose this guy over God because I would rather sin against God than leave the relationship. So one day, I knew what I had to do and texted that friend of mine and she replied "Its either you break it off or stay in it, simple, choice is yours" and I left home and went to see him and broke it off, I cried the whole time but at the end of that day I knew my life had changed forever...the peace I felt...unexplainable!

My life with Christ

After I broke it off, I repented and told God I wanted to start over, the first lesson I learned was, this salvation thing is God...I cannot do it on my own..how did I learn this? I had told God to save me but I told Him that I would handle the break up and I decided to fast on that day, that same day, I ended up in bed with the same guy and I was so broken but realized that I cannot do it on my own strength that surrendering to God meant I let Him handle it all!

I then decided to take a year off the dating scene so that God would work on my heart something that I had never done, the longest I had stayed without being in a relationship was a week...
It was a lonely time, considering I had just cleared University and I had no job, so I was at home alone everyday just me and God and it is one of the best seasons of my life! I would not trade it for anything because this is when God showed me that my identity is found in Him and only a relationship with Him can complete me.....

So exactly one year later in July 2014, a friend of mine started taking me out on dates and we became close. In August 2014, he asked me to be his girlfriend and two days later we sat down to talk about boundaries and he goes ahead and tells me "As much as I would like to kiss you, I will wait until I marry you" ....and this blew me away! as I remembered the prayer I made to God a year back. (I talked about this HERE)

So my story in a nutshell?...

I was a girl who thought love was found in relationships and sex until I met Christ and I knew what true love meant. It is not an easy journey, but one thing I know is that following Christ MUST cost you something, for me I had to walk out of a relationship and go against my feelings because the call to obedience is greater than me.

I believe God will change a whole generation (starting with my kids) because of the decision I made on that day to follow Him, I have been laughed at and the devil filled my head with all kinds of lies that...I was too messed up for God to want me, that I would never meet a man who loves God like that...etc.... but I learned that I can never out-sin God's grace and God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond what you could ever think of or imagine.....as long as you allow Him to...

So friends, no matter what journey you have walked that has made you believe that God will not forgive you and you cannot start over...its a lie! He is a God full of grace and love for us...what is impossible with man is possible with Him but remember it HAS to cost you something.

God looked at me in my mess, my hurt and in my confusion and said 'I want her' and He pursued me relentlessly! and that is how I met Christ.

YOU HAVE TO MEET MY FIRST LOVE

He saw me from a distance and.... saw through my scars, my flaws, my mistakes and called me gorgeous!..He decided to pursue me.....I was stubborn and I just could not believe the kind of love He offers is real....I thought why would He come after me?
He kept coming and telling me that He would love me beyond time....that He would be my strong tower and my rock..that with Him I would not have to fear because no one can come against Him....He promised to protect me and provide for me....
He promised me that if I would accept His love...I would be free from the shame...the guilt ...the heartache...
He promised that He would always be by my side...that He will never let me go through anything alone...
He promised that with Him my heart is safe...because in Him I would live, move and have my being.....
He told me that He will love me without conditions!

Despite all these, I resisted and I just could not wrap my head around the idea of letting go of what I thought was love....
He sent people to tell me how much He loves me.....but I just couldn't believe it.....why?
Because in my eyes...I was unlovable......
In my eyes...I was a mess...
In my eyes..I did not deserve to be given that kind of love.....
In my eyes I was not worthy to be called HIS.....

He kept on coming every day....reminding me that if I was HIS...I would be free....I would be free to enjoy life....I would be free of worry...I would be free of pain...because in the end He would get me to be with Him forever....

I asked Him why didn't He want another? and He said that it has always been me and it will always be me....because He loved me even before the existence of time and He will love me to infinity.......

My heart started softening and I decided to give Him a chance.......
Immediately, I felt lighter...I felt like a huge burden had been removed off my shoulder...
I felt free...all of the shame and guilt I felt...was all gone...
After some time....I no longer craved for people's approval instead I started wanting to please Him and only Him...He started becoming the center of my world and He ROCKED IT!...He became my best friend...He became my adviser when I was in a dilemma...He became the first person I talk to when I wake up.....

Truth is....I thought I had loved before...I thought that the first guy I dated was my first love....until I met Him...the one who loved me even before I came to existence....the one who decided 2000 years ago that He would rather die than live without me....the one who knows every detail about me and who anticipates my needs......the one who provides and protects me fiercely!
The one who works out everything for my good.....the one who has never and will never leave my side even when everyone else does.....the one who would not let me make mistakes and not correct me...

MY FIRST LOVE......WAS...IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE........because He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.....everything finds life in Him, He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.....He is the Maker of the Universe...He is supreme, Almighty, He is Indescribable, He is ALL-Powerful, He is LOVE.
Because He first loved me......He will always be my first Love and I pray you allow yourself to experience this kind of love....
He will make you feel priceless..because He already paid the price for you!

Why is God not listening to your prayer?

God's love is unconditional because He loved us when we were still sinners.....we cannot force it to apply to Him listening to our prayers.....He does not always listen to our prayers...there are conditions to it....

1. Isaiah 58:4: Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists.You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.

These people expected God to hear their prayers because they were praying and fasting. The chapter goes on and on giving reasons why God will not listen to them and giving the conditions in which He will listen to them. 

You cannot disobey His commands and expect the show you put up for others to move Him.....just because you prayer the loudest...fast the longest....raise your hands in worship....do  not think all that will move Him...only until you understand His good and perfect will, then you will know what is pleasing to Him and this requires Him transforming your mind.....

2. James 4:3: When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Why are you asking God for what you are asking Him? So that people may praise you? so that you can revenge? so that you can prove a point to someone? If your intention is not right then am sorry...God will not listen to what you are telling Him....check your heart....and align your desires to His desires....

3.1 Peter 3: 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

We see another condition that God gives to husbands, they are urged to treat their wives well so that their prayers are not hindered. So to the married guys, God will not listen to your prayers if you are cheating on your wife, mistreating and abusing her. Go and repent of these things and turn away from your ways and treat her as Christ commanded...then God will hear your prayers....

4. James 1:6-7:   But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

Do you believe you will receive what you are praying for? Do you really trust God to come through for you in your situation? Well...if you do not...you need to believe because if you do not then do not expect anything from God......You have to trust that He is more than capable of coming through for you when you ask.....

5. 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Underline the word IF, it shows a condition is placed, that only when the people who are called by His name will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways.....only then will He hear them from heaven and answer their prayer.......

So, no you cannot expect to live your life the way you want to and run to God when you need something and expect Him to act like a magician to grant you your wishes......you should repent of your sins and follow His commands.....

In conclusion.....

James 5:16: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Proverbs 15:29:The Lord is far from the wicked  but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

So you want your prayers to be powerful and effective? aim at pursing righteousness which starts with you confessing your sins and following His commands......

Its time for us to change our view of God, we need to understand that, He is ALL-MIGHTY, SOVEREIGN, ALPHA AND OMEGA, He deserves our very best and total submission....truth is He does not need you to pray to Him or acknowledge Him for Him to be God...He remains God.....and if we cannot see that we are the ones in need of a Savior then indeed we need saving........ and our view of prayer needs to change...

ARE YOU FOLLOWING CHRIST?

"Repeat this prayer after me and you will be saved"...that is what the preacher said and I followed the instructions......this was back when I had just joined High school ....I repeated that prayer every year whenever a 'good' preacher came to school to preach....then I finished my High School education......

Oh boy! This is when the rubber met the road....transitioning from living in a regulated environment full of girls to a world where I did not have anyone telling me to be somewhere at a specific place and all the boys around.....mama mia! I went on to enjoy life and 'experiment'....which led to a lot of heartache and pain ...but what was constant was a feeling of emptiness that never went away for like 6 years...I tried to take the feeling away by getting into relationships thinking that is what I needed.....PAUSE

...remember I had said that prayer that the preacher asked me to say and I knew I was saved and going to heaven but why did I not feel different? why did I not walk away from compromising situations? why did I go to places that you would not expect to find a Christian? why? Wasn't that prayer enough? why didn't my life look any different?

Fast forward...to when I was 23 years old...when the feeling of emptiness was at its peak! I was in a 'good' relationship with a 'good' guy...we looked cute together...everyone said we were meant to be.....but why was I so unhappy? why did I always feel like I chose that man over God?......

I mean...I heard the preacher say that once you say that prayer you are saved....and you will go to heaven but in my heart I knew I was heading to hell....

The day, I truly gave my life to Christ...........

This is how it looked like:

1. I walked away from my then boyfriend, because I was living in sin.......it broke my heart

2. I repented to God my sins and never looked back again...this was so hard!

3. I started spending regular time with God in prayer and reading His word

4. God put this blog in my heart and I wrote the first post ( this one) and scriptures flowed into my mind

5. I changed the music I listened to and the movies I watched....

So what is the difference?

The first time, I only said a prayer but I never truly repented.........the first time I did not think following Christ would cost me my life.....I just thought I would go back to how I lived....

So what does it mean to follow Christ?

1. Denying yourself

Math 16:24: Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

This means you will have to go against your feelings.....your comfort....your normal way of life...in short it means you will have to forget yourself and focus on pleasing Christ.

It means you will have to let go of certain relationships, you will have to stop going to certain places and you will have to change...you will have to change the music you listen to , the books you read and the movies you watch........and in some places it would mean losing your life for His sake....

2. Making Christ first

Luke 14:26: If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.

Definitely, He did not mean for us to literally hate them, but in the sense that....if you are to be His disciple you have to put Him first above ANYONE else in your life........in the way that you will always choose to follow His commands above pleasing anyone else.....

3. Spreading the good news

Luke 9:59-60: And He said to another, "Follow Me." But he said, "Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father." But He said to him, "Allow the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God."
This means more than anything else, the most important thing for you as a Christian is to proclaim the good news.....this should always be something that comes first...that moves you everyday to make it your aim to spread the gospel........

At the end of this life I would hate to be told:- (Actually my biggest fear is to be told this)

Matthew 7:21-2:Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’  And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!

Many of us live in the illusion that being a follower of Christ means we only get to say a prayer and then we go back to living our 'perfect' lives where we live our lives the way we want.....claiming we believe in Christ.......but it takes more than just believing ...our lives have to change!!!

So no...you do not qualify to be a Christian just because you repeated a certain prayer...you only become one when you repent of your sins( completely turn around) and follow Christ...when you deny your self for His sake......

Look at the lives of all the people who had an encounter with God from....Abram to Abraham( father of faith) , Moses, Paul,......the disciples all these people...their lives changed and it showed that they are living for God more than they are living for themselves....

I do not write this because I am there but to urge you to make it your aim everyday to die to yourself so that Christ may live in you.....go beyond just believing that He died for you and live it out......

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND-PART 2

I share this to encourage anyone who is about to give up on waiting on the man/woman God has for them....

To remind you that God has not overlooked you and He has not forgot about you...

To remind you  not settle for anything less than a relationship that honors God....

To remind you that in His right and perfect time He will allow you to meet and if you let Him make the choice for you, He will give you His best for you.....

To remind you that.....when that person comes they will be worth the wait and you will be glad that you did not give up on the wait.....

To remind you to not compare your life to others..that it does not matter if your friends, colleagues...etc are getting into relationships and are getting married because God has unique plans for you.....

To remind you that true love still exists despite being hurt before and despite the negativity around the topic...

To remind you that no matter what you have done in your past...God is able to make you new and you can start over.....

To remind you that it is possible in this day and age to honor God in your relationship and it will be worth it!!!

Sometime back, I wrote a letter to my future husband here before I met my future husband (okay...we were just acquaintances but you know what I mean..I had no idea it would be him and neither did he ). One of the things that I had asked for was a guy who is goofy and I will be able to laugh  with him ALOT!.......and then I met him.....

Here goes part 2.........

Me: Remind me to ask you something when we meet (insert sweet name)

Grey: Okay (insert sweet name)

Grey: If its  you asking if you can be my wife, its a yes (smiley face)

Me: You mean I do not have to apply???

Grey: Not at all (insert sweet name).....

Lol, then I went ahead and wrote my CV just in case I needed to apply (thy shall not judge) The first post acts as a cover letter

Here it is:

Curriculum Vitae

Name: Enid Nzisa *****

Date of birth: 05-03-1990

Religion: Christian

Nationality: Kenyan

Marital Status: Single

Email: enid@ihavemyeyesonyou.com

 Phone no: 0711234567

Education Background

01-01-2007- Present: Phd in Cleaning and Cooking 

01-01-2003-Present: Masters in Home making

05-03-1990- Present: Bachelor’s Degree in Femininity

Relevant Experience:

05-03-2016-Present: Grey’s Fiancee: Duties and Responsibilities

• ·        Praying for Grey daily
• ·        Laughing at Grey’s jokes
• ·        Encouraging Grey
• ·        Going out on dates with Grey
• ·        Praying together with Grey
• ·        Smiling at Grey when he looks my way
• ·        Cycling with Grey
• ·        Hiking with Grey
• ·        Hanging out with Grey’s family and friends
• ·        Holding his sweater as he looks through his bag
• ·        Calling him sweet names
• ·        Blushing when he calls me sweet names
• ·        Recommending outfits for Grey
• ·        Attending weddings with Grey
•          Watching football with Grey

08-08-2014-05-03-2016: Grey’s girlfriend: Duties and Responsibilities

• ·        Holding Grey’s hand as we walk
• ·        Giving Grey side- hugs
• ·        Going for picnics with Grey
• ·        Cycling with Grey
• ·        Hiking with Grey
• ·        Laughing out loud at Grey’s jokes

18-12-2013-08-08-2014: Grey's Friend: Duties and Responsibilities

• Replying to texts
• Laughing at Grey's jokes 
• Pretending not to notice Grey

Other qualifications:

• ·        Member of All saints Cathedral
• ·        Owner of a KRA pin
•          I  have goals (includes: relationship goals, meal goals, children goals, house goals, and husband goals-You..tihihihi)  

References

1.     My mother:

Teacher at home

Tel: 0721987654

Email: enidsmum@shewillloveyou.com

2.     My Pastor

Spiritual teacher

Tel: 0711234567

Email: passie@hewillgiveatestimony.com

3.     My neighbor

At home

Tel:0767543278

Email: neighbour@isayhiandsharefood.com

Lets hope my application gets accepted...........

Why I said YES to the ring....

Recently I got the opportunity to moderate an open forum for a ladies' retreat we had and I took the chance to ask the older ladies to share their 'aha!" moments about when they were dating their husbands........in other words to share that moment they knew that this is the guy they will marry and why.....in the course of this a few people ganged up and thought I should share why I said yes...I declined and moved the session on with the excuse of time......
I express myself better in writing than talking so I chose to share it here.....so why did I say yes?


1. His love for God

I know this has been shared in a lot of forums of the kind of man a lady should marry until it has become a cliche of some sort....
Thing is ....his lifestyle shows it more than the number of times he says it...I have seen Him pass on opportunities because he wanted to do what God has called him to do...I have seen him lend a helping hand to a lot of people even when I thought he was doing too much....I have seen him cut off things from his life that cause him to stumble.....
I have heard from third parties who have known him from his pre-teen, teenage and even before we met of how he has always been unashamed of his love for God......
His life has witnessed to me and has even challenged me to improve my walk with God....

Ladies, you have to check the fruits of the man...its not enough for him to tell you he is born again yet his life does not show it.....

2. He protects my purity

Well, am no angel .....thing is when he asked me to be his girlfriend we sat down and placed a few boundaries to enable us to wait until we get married to have sex.....(I talked of the reasons here)
I have seen him a million times restraining himself from breaking the boundaries ..even avoiding conversations that would lead to us breaking them...
He purposefully guards it with all he has......he actually takes the lead in ensuring that we walk in purity...and that is one of the most admirable things about him....and I respect him a lot for being a man of honor...

3. His purpose

I will not share exactly what it is...but from the onset..it was something that God had also placed in my heart and until recently is when we found out we can actually do it together....
I can  see myself helping him to fulfill His God given purpose as it is something that goes so well with the vision I have always had of the kind of work I would do with my husband....
It still amazes me how God has done this......

4. He supports me

He has constantly shown me support in achieving my dreams even if it meant having us be apart for sometime....
He celebrates even the smallest progress I make in my career....he is the kind who goes all out to celebrate my success....

5. He is my best friend

He is truly a friend to me...I can tell him anything and everything without feeling judged.....
I am my craziest when with him.....and yet it does not make him uncomfortable....
He calls me out when I am being a brat and corrects me with love....


Just a bonus one, he values physical fitness I had always prayed for someone who will value this as much as I do...and I mean since I have met him...I have been able to achieve a lot more on my fitness...lets say he has brought bike riding into my life and my legs do not like it at times but I love the results.....and of course because a man who values physical fitness has a great physique...*wink


The thing is, I have been in other relationships before I met Grey and none of them had the vision of marriage ahead of them.....and before I met him...I had taken a break on the dating scene so that God would work on  me...to break me and to mould me to be a different  woman and to desire a relationship that would please Him...and in His own timing he saw it fit for us to meet....and even in this journey...we have wanted to quit several times and its not always a pretty picture.and God is constantly molding us to be the best match for each other...  .but I can say that God has kept us this far and ALL glory goes to Him....

I write this with the hope that it will encourage you to wait for God's best for you.....and have a relationship that pushes you closer to God