August is mission month at my church and this time it was dubbed as #tellmeyourstory.....and so I was picked to share my story based on three questions; How my life was before I met Christ, How I met Christ and How my life is now that I have Christ.
At first, I wanted to say no because I didn't 'feel' ready then that week I heard people over and over again say that we should never be afraid to share our story...and I accepted but it freaked me out that I was to share it in front of the whole church and I prayed about it and then I was rescheduled and given an option to do it on camera and I immediately accepted and thought.....'easy peasy..lemon squeezy'.....so the day came and I shared my story, well the short summarized censored version and when I finished the camera guy told me..I still do not know Enid.....and long story short when I did the second take....tears flowed!.....It reminded me where Christ took me from and well I thought it was about time to share it here as well.......
How my life was before I met Christ
I used to find my identity in relationships, I would jump from one relationship to another, I always felt like I was not okay if I was not in one. I will fast forward to when I was 23 years and I had already slept with 3 guys and made out with I guess 10 and now I was in another relationship where we were having sex. I never missed going to church every Sunday and I would always wear a dress, physically I was present in church but my mind was on the 'escapades' I had the previous night.......so it never really mattered what the preacher would say...The guilt was there when I would sleep with my then boyfriend but over time it went away and it was normal to me until we would share tips among my friends.....up until....
How I met Christ
.....A friend of mine shared with me this post by Heather Lindsey (THIS) and I related so much to it and at the end she asked God for a man who would wait to kiss her on their wedding day.....and I remember telling God that if such guys exist and they are attractive I will leave the guy I am with....
for me even before I met Christ, I always knew that the man I will marry will be someone who we would have waited till marriage so I knew my then boyfriend was not it but I still did not want to let go of the relationship...after reading the post I could not shake off the guilt I felt every time I was in bed with the guy....I always felt like I chose this guy over God because I would rather sin against God than leave the relationship. So one day, I knew what I had to do and texted that friend of mine and she replied "Its either you break it off or stay in it, simple, choice is yours" and I left home and went to see him and broke it off, I cried the whole time but at the end of that day I knew my life had changed forever...the peace I felt...unexplainable!
My life with Christ
After I broke it off, I repented and told God I wanted to start over, the first lesson I learned was, this salvation thing is God...I cannot do it on my own..how did I learn this? I had told God to save me but I told Him that I would handle the break up and I decided to fast on that day, that same day, I ended up in bed with the same guy and I was so broken but realized that I cannot do it on my own strength that surrendering to God meant I let Him handle it all!
I then decided to take a year off the dating scene so that God would work on my heart something that I had never done, the longest I had stayed without being in a relationship was a week...
It was a lonely time, considering I had just cleared University and I had no job, so I was at home alone everyday just me and God and it is one of the best seasons of my life! I would not trade it for anything because this is when God showed me that my identity is found in Him and only a relationship with Him can complete me.....
So exactly one year later in July 2014, a friend of mine started taking me out on dates and we became close. In August 2014, he asked me to be his girlfriend and two days later we sat down to talk about boundaries and he goes ahead and tells me "As much as I would like to kiss you, I will wait until I marry you" ....and this blew me away! as I remembered the prayer I made to God a year back. (I talked about this HERE)
So my story in a nutshell?...
I was a girl who thought love was found in relationships and sex until I met Christ and I knew what true love meant. It is not an easy journey, but one thing I know is that following Christ MUST cost you something, for me I had to walk out of a relationship and go against my feelings because the call to obedience is greater than me.
I believe God will change a whole generation (starting with my kids) because of the decision I made on that day to follow Him, I have been laughed at and the devil filled my head with all kinds of lies that...I was too messed up for God to want me, that I would never meet a man who loves God like that...etc.... but I learned that I can never out-sin God's grace and God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond what you could ever think of or imagine.....as long as you allow Him to...
So friends, no matter what journey you have walked that has made you believe that God will not forgive you and you cannot start over...its a lie! He is a God full of grace and love for us...what is impossible with man is possible with Him but remember it HAS to cost you something.
God looked at me in my mess, my hurt and in my confusion and said 'I want her' and He pursued me relentlessly! and that is how I met Christ.
