CHRISTIAN DATING 101: WHY YOU SHOULD NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED

It always causes an uproar on social media whenever I post that believers should not be unequally yoked to unbelievers. Mainly because it is always seen as discriminatory and judgmental, people always go ahead and give the example of Jesus hanging out with unbelievers.

So to get this out of the way let me explain what it means to be yoked,; A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox would walk more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.

That is one definition, I googled and another definition I found was: two to be joined in a close relationship. This brings me to explain to anyone who argues out that Jesus hang out with unbelievers,  case in example the tax collector. If we take this definition of people being in close relationship, Jesus was not in close relationship with this dude, even though they hang out. Who was in close relationship with Him? His disciples were in close relationship with Him, why do I say this? He would share His plans with them, He would tell them that He would be persecuted and raise from the dead after 3 days, something He did not disclose to other people. So He was never yoked to unbelievers.

With that out of the way, let me say I do not write this to make you look down upon unbelievers, or to condemn them, because as Christians we are called to love and show grace, the same grace that God showed us. I only write this, to remind us as Christians that we are called to live a different life once we receive Christ because we have been made new. Once we receive salvation through grace, we are called to work out our salvation, to let go of the things we did before we knew Christ. We are called to live in obedience because if we love God we will obey Him (John 14:15).

I specifically talk about dating in this article although we are still called not to be unequally yoked in ALL close relationships we have.

So why should you not be unequally yoked?


1. Your calling/destiny depends on it

Solomon over his lifetime married alot of women and ended up marrying women from tribes that worshiped idols and this turned his heart from God. Because of this, God said He would take David's family out of leadership from 9 tribes of Israel and ONLY  because God had made a covenant with his father David,  his family would still rule over 2 tribes.

Samson ended up marrying from a tribe also that did not worship God and as a result he ended up being ruled by the very people he was meant to rule over.

Some of the Kings of Israel later on married into Ahab's family who we know was married to Jezebel and they worshiped other gods, all the Kings who married from this family, turned their hearts away from God (Read 2 Kings) and did not rule for very long as a consequence.


All these men altered their destinies only because they yoked themselves with women who who did not worship the ONE true God.

You see every time God warns His people not to do something, He never does it to ruin the 'fun' but to protect their calling, because He knows what He has planned for them and who they should walk with in order to fulfill their destiny.


2. You are going to save them.........NOT!

As much as you want to convince yourself that you dating them or marrying them will save them, you will not. Why? because Christ is the one who saves people, no one saved you, only God did. Actually what you do whenever you are dating an unbeliever is standing in the way of God to work in them, you make the person dependent on you for saving, for you to remind them how to be a Christian, for you to keep dragging them to church. You forget this is the work of the Holy Spirit, the conviction to live as a Christian is the work of the Holy Spirit. So please, get out of the way, you are NOT that powerful!

3. You will influence a whole generation

One aim of godly marriages is to raise godly children, who will as a result influence their generation. You see, whoever you marry will raise your children  with you, if they do not know God, how will this work.  If you believe in Jesus as God and they think..oh Jesus is a really cool guy who had wisdom? Just like  the unequally yoked oxen where one of them being shorter, making them not to work well together, this will not work. Because you two have totally different ideologies and beliefs, how can a divided home stand? 

4. The relationship will lead you further from Christ

As much as we never want to admit this, the person we are closest to will always influence a big chunk of our life. As a Christian, you want someone who will push you to grow in faith, push you to seek God more and when you have problems who will point you to Christ as the solution and not themselves. How can you have this when the person closest to you doesn't care about growing in Christ? How will they influence your life?  Like Solomon and Samson, their unequally yoked relationships, led them further from God.


I am not a relationship expert, and I cannot tell you who to marry or not to marry. But if you are a Christian, I pray you follow the word of God and listen to the Holy Spirit. Choosing a lifetime partner is the second most important decision you will make after receiving Christ as a believer. Because your destiny, your generation and life will be tied to them.

I pray that you will find courage to obey and walk out of an unequally yoked relationship (not marriage) so that you can live out your purpose.

I pray that you will be patient enough to wait, to wait for someone who loves and pursues Christ as you do, someone who you will share purpose with, someone who you will push you closer to Christ.

I pray you will choose an extraordinary life that is guided by His word, that will work out just as He has planned.

and finally......

2 Cor 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

PRAYER: GOD THIS IS NOT WHAT I ASKED FOR!

I have been reading the story of Elisha and I came across a dude called Naaman. He had leprosy and was looking for healing and word got to Elisha.  As Naaman went to see Elisha, he met up with Elisha's servant, Elisha had told his servant to meet Naaman and tell him to go wash himself in river Jordan 7 times. Well, you would think this dude would go straight to river Jordan and do this because is this not what he has been looking for?  but this dude got so angry that Elisha did not meet up with him personally and put his hand over his wounds and call out to heaven for his healing and to make matters worse he asked him to wash himself in river Jordan when there were better and cleaner rivers in the city! How dare he?  Long story short, his servant had to beg him to do what Elisha said and he went ahead and washed his body 7 times in river Jordan and was healed.


I remember reading this story and thinking, "this dude is crazy, who does he think he is?" but the Holy Spirit convicted me of the many times I have acted like Naaman.  Why? Because I have.....

Expectations of the answered

Naaman believed that God would ONLY heal him if Elisha would put his hand over his wounds and call out to heaven for his healing. He expected to be asked to do something grand BUT, God had other plans, a simpler plan which involved him going to the Jordan and wash his body 7 times.

How many times have you asked God to intervene in your situation expecting Him to answer you in a specific way. Praying for a spouse and giving Him a long list of the requirements you expect and even how, when and where to meet the person, praying for a certain job where you would do specific things and earn a certain amount of money, praying to get into a certain school, praying for healing of a loved one, praying for a specific idea, for a home, for a specific car e.t.c

The thing is, we have no power over God, He is GOD. He already had a plan for your life when He formed you in your mother's womb, He knows EVERYTHING! (Jeremiah 1:5)

Just like Naaman we may risk missing out on our answered prayer because we are focused on our expectations of how God will answer our prayers. We might miss out on that spouse, job, opportunity etc because God has not answered us in the way we expected Him to.

 I used to wonder why sometimes people would say a loved one was healed even though they died, but I see it now that God answered that prayer but not in the way we expected Him to.  I see men and women keeping good women and men in the friend-zone because they do not necessarily meet a 'silly' requirement in their list( I almost did this to my husband), I see people passing up internships or not-so-well praying jobs because they expect more yet that job would open up doors for what they wanted etc...

We have to get to a place where we trust that God has the BEST plan for us because He sees the beginning to the end. He knows EXACTLY what you need even before you ask Him (Mathew 6:8)



 Compared the answered prayer

Naaman thought that other rivers (Abana and Pharphar) were better than Jordan and even if he was to go wash himself in a river, he would prefer them.

Has God ever answered your prayer and immediately when you see someone else's answered prayer you think that surely couldn't God have done this for you? I know I have been guilty of this.
Like you have been praying for a job and it comes then you hear your friend has landed another one that pays twice what you earn and start thinking..'that should have been my blessing' etc

Just like Naaman, where his answer lied (river Jordan) did not look as appealing as the other two rivers. If he had gone and washed himself in any of these two rivers (no pun intended for Kenyans :-)) he would not have received his healing. If you try to go for the same exact thing as our friend, neighbor, relative etc thinking that it would be an answer to our prayer, you might end up being disappointed and think why is God not coming through for you?

Again, God knows the EXACT thing you need to do, the opportunities you need to go for, the person you need etc He has custom made your life to fit your purpose. So stop comparing your journey to that of others, you have been instructed to go to 'river Jordan' do exactly that, do not waver just because it does not look glamorous or its not what you expected. Trust that God has everything under control.



By all means do not take this as me saying that you settle for less, instead take this to challenge you to ask God  to confirm whenever something looks like an answered prayer from Him. So that you will not be too quick to get mad at God and miss out on the very thing you were praying for.

Just like Naaman, despite him not believing at first, God gave him another opportunity which led him to his healing. So do not be discouraged if you feel like you have passed on, on something that might have been God answering your prayer. Instead, pray for God to give  you another chance and help you trust Him this time round. He is a God of infinite chances.