5 REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH THAT MAN

Women are very relational, they say everything else can go wrong in our lives but if our relationships are okay then we are okay. This quality is what makes most women end up settling for a man that is not God's best for them.... I have seen countless of women in relationships where they know that man is not for them but they stick around because of the fear of being alone. (I have been there too)
You see once you make the decision to tie yourself to a man that God has not planned for you then it alters your destiny...the best you can be is mediocre...every woman deserves to live an extraordinary life meaning you have to be connected to an extraordinary man who is God's best for you.

I hope that after reading this you will reflect on the relationship you are in now/ where you have been/where you are going and analyse if that man is really God's best for you......



1. He is having  sex with you before marriage

You say you are with a God- fearing man, yet that man still has sex with you before he makes you his wife. So what god is that man fearing? If it is the one true God...then that man will fear doing the very things that God is against.......that man will know it is a sin to defile his body and your body.....
A God fearing man is not a man who goes to church every Sunday, who says he believes in God or who can quote scripture.....
A God fearing man is a man who lives the word of God....you will see the fruits he bears.....you will see that he protects your purity and will make you his wife before he can lay with you.....

2. He abuses you (physically and emotionally)

Lets start with the emotional abuse....he always has something negative to say about you....he is always putting you down ......he makes you feel inferior and may even use curse words on you.......
You see..... God describes you as more precious than a ruby, He calls you beautiful,...He looked at His creation and saw it was good.....you see He took time to make you...He already had great plans for you even when you were in the womb....
If this is how your Maker describes you....and it is because He loves you....then why do you believe  a man who says he loves you and yet abuses you and labels you as something less than what your creator says you are...
A man who loves you will praise you, he will make you feel loved and wanted...he will describe you and label you the same way God does...He will reflect that kind of love...
Which goes without saying that he will not abuse you physically either......

3. He pushes you further from Christ

Ever since you two got together you cannot remember the last time you had quite time with God....the last time you read His word or even the last time you attended church...
No relationship should take the place of God in your life.....
You see the minute you let that relationship push you away from Christ then you will idolize it and expect the man to be your god...expecting him to fill the void that only God can fill....
A man who is for you will always point you to Christ...that relationship will make you get closer to Christ not substitute Him...


4. He does not take  initiative 

Lets say you are the one who approached him and asked him out on a date and eventually you pushed him into being your boyfriend.....
Women nowadays are encouraged to go after the guy...in the tabloids...in the Hollywood movies....
Women are encouraged to take the lead in relationships..... this destroys the order that God put in place...
You see the man was created to lead the woman......so what happens when the woman is doing the leading? the woman will end up frustrated because she will be the one working to sustain the relationship while the man takes the back seat.....
A real man takes initiative...he will pursue you...he is not okay with being pursued.....no matter how 'shy' he is......

5. He has no personal relationship with Christ

You see God instructs a man to love his wife just like Christ loved the church...this is the kind of love that is willing to die for you....what a task!
You see for a man to understand how to love you to that extent he has to be connected to the author of love who is Christ.....and you my dear deserve that kind of a man whose love reflects that of Christ...


There are many other things to look out for in a man to be able to see if he is God's best for you....

Thing is if you know in your heart that you have settled for someone who is less than who God has intended for you..I pray that you get the courage to end it and decide to wait on God...to wait on God to reveal that man in His own timing...
I will not lie that it will be easy but I promise it will be worth it because God always exceeds our expectations beyond what we can ever think or imagine.....

LESSONS FROM 2015

I wanted to write this post before 2015 ended but I guess I got caught up in the festivities.....Here are a few lessons I learned in 2015 that for me will set the foundation for me in 2016...


On My Christian Walk.....

It was the year where my faith was tested...from praying for a job and seeing nothing happen ...to being reminded that Christ is my sole provider..not a job..nothing else but Him....
It is the year where I was convicted about sharing Christ every opportunity that I get because time is running out and my key mission on this earth as a Christian is to preach Christ with my words and actions...there were days I couldn't get the courage to share Christ but He gave me other chances for me to step up....you see, I learned that if I deny Him before men,,,He will deny me in front of the Father..I shouldn't just have Him in my heart but share Him out and win more souls for Him...the calling is bigger than me and it will mean me losing my life for the sake of the gospel...

On family...

It was the year I was taught on honoring my mother more....learning to speak her love language which is acts of service despite me not wanting to at times....you see my blessings lie with her...she is my first ministry before I go out to the world..she must see Christ in me....my family is the first ministry and I learned to listen to God on how to treat my family...
I finally forgave my relatives after 15 years of holding on to a grudge that I never knew I had until God showed me....I learned to love..

On love.....

It was the year I must say I grew in love with my best friend....I got to know him better and to grow in friendship with him....God convicted me of the many times I would see the mistakes in him instead of perfecting the love I have for him....It is the year I learned what it means to love deliberately even when the emotions go...to love unconditionally.....


On friendships.....

It was the year that God convicted me of being more of a taker than a giver in my friendships....It was the year where I learned how to be considerate of others and sincerely love others...
It was the year that God taught me to go on my knees for my friends.....
It was the year that God showed me who to keep in my life and who to let go without being bitter...
It was the year that I learned I have to be deliberate to make the friendships I have work and give more...

On my career...

It was the year that God opened unexpected doors for me, that led me to see where my passion really lies...
At the beginning of 2015 I felt like I did not have the necessary skills and capability to achieve all that I wanted to achieve but through the opportunities that God opened for me....He showed me that I am more than capable and I am more than able....
I got to meet amazing mentors in my line of work who have mentored me to where I am now...
For the first time since I started working I had a clear vision of where I want to be in the next 5 years....

On physical fitness...

I started the year on a high note..I would eat drink sleep exercises....then my time became limited and I had to cut down on the training...then came asthma and I had to really cut down...
I learned that working out is 20% and eating is 80%...I learned to watch my diet ...despite falling off the wagon a few times.....
It takes a lot of discipline to achieve the goals that you have in terms of fitness...ALOT of discipline...


On Finances......

It was the year where I got to earn more than I did and spent more than I should have....despite me getting an accountability partner and trying...I always made the wrong choices with my finances...
I learned it takes more than wishing and praying for me to get to where I want to be financially meaning I will have to be more disciplined and invest in learning about financial management...
If I am not faithful with the little then how can I expect God to bless me with more?

Unforgiveness: My journey to forgiveness

I thought of writing this post for a while now and I had convinced myself that I would not write it. Until the other day, when having fellowship with a couple of friends and 99% of us shared how we have held on to unforgiveness and just to add on top,that same day, we had a function and a lady pulled me aside and shared with me how her baby daddy abandoned her and she had a lot of unforgiveness in her for along time until she decided to let go.

Allow me to get real with you and share my journey....
My dad passed away when I was 10 years old.....this changed a lot for us.. we were now the three of us..my mother..my big brother and me....for me death was not really a concept that I thought of at such a young age so it was never really hard for me as it was for my mother and brother.

 It was not as hard until......I noticed that we no longer had visitors at home...I mean we used to host people every weekend when my dad was around....it got harder when I noticed that my relatives stopped coming over....and suddenly it became HARD, that is when it hit me that him passing away meant that we were ALL ALONE...

It got harder when I got older and I was told of how my mother's name never appeared in the obituaries because my relatives deliberately removed it because they never liked the fact that my father married outside their tribe.... I was told of how they tried to remove my mother from his will..I thank God they did not manage to.....
Years passed and I would meet my relatives once a year and exchange pleasantries and fake a smile....They would ask how mother was and all I wanted to tell them was..."why on earth would you want to know?" but I would just smile and say she is fine and she passed her greetings...
.....
15 years later....I am going through a mentorship program and the instructor tells us to write some sort of a time line for our lives...sharing both the good and bad times and to reflect and see how the events have shaped the person that you are today...so as he goes round he notices a piece of paper from my timeline written..."shunned by my relatives" ....he looks at me and says I should meet him for counseling...all that time am thinking "counselling for what? I am fine" so I never met him after....

A few months later....I am talking to God about something I want to do ....and I hear a voice say "you need to let go of the unforgiveness in your heart" ..."what unforgiveness?" ....."you need to forgive your relatives".....I pause and think to myself...."but I have".......then I flashback to when my aunt wrote to me on Facebook that she loved me...and I remembered the feeling of disgust I got and thought to myself "yeah right"...this is when it hit me that I have never forgiven them 15 years later....sounds crazy right???

I have sat down listening to sermons about forgiveness and I really never though that the message was for me...so I would switch off during these sermons.....
God had to reveal this for me...because on my own I do not see my flaws.....but He does....
I decided that I will tell them in one week's time when I see them that I have forgiven them and release myself from this burden....I really do not know what will happen next....I cannot really say that now I can hug and kiss them..but am trusting God to get there...

I do not know your story...maybe its your dad....your mum...brother...sister...friend...relative...a stranger...who hurt you so bad...that you cannot imagine ever moving from that point of hurt and forgiving them......
My prayer for you today is that you will allow God to take you through that journey...to allow God to heal those wounds  and to allow Him to teach you how to forgive after all...He showed us what it means to forgive because He says in His word...that HE WILL REMEMBER OUR SINS NO MORE......HE REQUIRES OF US TO FORGIVE OTHERS JUST LIKE HE FORGAVE US.....

He never asks us to do something that will not be of good for our lives...so today I will ask you to say this prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, I have been hurt by (say name) and I do not want to forgive them....but today Lord I ask you to heal me and help me to forgive (say name). I am ready Lord to allow you to teach me how to forgive so that I may do your will and so that I may die so that you may live. AMEN

In pursuit of the ONE

A while back I asked a few ladies what they look for in a man, I got an overwhelming response. Then I asked them what they would bring to a relationship when they meet this man and well.....lets just say I got the first response after I had eaten lunch, read a newspaper and watched a movie....(okay, I might have exaggerated) but all in all that question made them stop and think before they answered.

Hollywood has painted this picture in our minds of the "one"...you know the one who when you meet there is always a background song..the one who makes your belly tingle...the one you want to ride off into the sunset with....
We spend so much time in pursuit of the "one" we forget we should be working on becoming the "one"....
Disclaimer: I do not  believe there is that one person in the world for someone...so there is no such thing as the one....otherwise we would miss out if that one person ends up marrying someone else's the one...(stay with me now)

As human beings we are programmed to always look out for ourselves and this one of the reasons why we tend to focus so much on how someone else can benefit us and rarely look at how we can benefit others.

Just to take a few responses I got when I asked about qualities to look at.:
Example 1:He must be a man after God's heart...Question: Are you a woman after God's heart?..what makes you think that kind of man would be attracted to a woman who halfheartedly follows Christ?
Example 2: He must challenge me intellectually.....when was the last time you picked up a book? learned something new? are you as stimulating as well?
Example 3: He should be hardworking......sis, do you work hard at your job? in school? do you go all out to achieve your goals?

I could go on and on with the examples, point is.....during your single hood you should strive on becoming the "one"...cultivate the qualities that you think would make a good spouse...develop your character...grow spiritually.....pick up a book.....have fun.....discover yourself and learn ways on improving yourself instead of actively looking for the one because you will miss out on that person because simply you will have nothing to bring to the relationship.

When laughing leads to compromise

I am just from watching a "funny" video of a man who was chasing his crush and his wife shows up and he starts dancing...it is "funny".......Oh...pardon me, let me explain why I use the quotation marks...you see I do not see anything funny with a married man chasing another woman no matter the humor they try to put in it.......
I have received so many "funny" clips..audios.images through social media and some I am even tempted to share until the Holy Spirit convicts me...then I try to rationalize that it was shared in a Church group am in so it has to be okay.....

What am I getting at?
The impact of Christianity is not felt so much because we have compromised in one way or another and one way that we have compromised and we do not seem to notice is in the jokes we listen to, laugh at and share......


The problem?
You see why would you as a Christian who reads the Bible and believes it as true....laugh at the video of that man chasing his crush when the Bible condemns adultery? Oh...am being too spiritual???
Why would you as a Christian share a "funny" image with curse words when the very Bible you believe clearly says that;

Ephesians 5:4: Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.


Colossians 3:8: But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth....

Why would you as a Christian sit down watching a stand up comedian making jokes that are obscene and laugh.?...

Why would you as a Christian share "funny" audios, videos, pictures when you believe that God has called you to be holy just as He is holy.?

Why do we want to fit in so much into the world that is so anti-Christ?

Why do you feel the need to be labelled as cool when it requires you to go against the very things that Christianity stand for?

The solution...

I believe that if you never get the conviction of the Holy Spirit regarding certain jokes, then you do not spend enough time with God.... because the more you spend time with God...the more you get to know what pleases Him......

So start spending more time in His presence......

If you are hanging around people or you are in a group in social media where people share so much of these "funny" jokes ...I suggest you share with them that you do not entertain such jokes....if they do not respect your stand...cut them off...it is better to make it to heaven without one hand.....and one eye....

If it is the comedy movies you watch...the standup comedy shows you watch....I suggest you stop......because if we say we are Christians we have to be willing to count everything a loss for the sake of Christ.......

It is high time we take Christianity seriously because Christ took it seriously to the point of giving His life for us....then we will be a light in this world....a salt that will not lose its saltiness.....we will be distinct.....and stand up for Christ when the world is against Him.

Lets NOT talk about sex

 

Last Sunday I sat through a sermon where the preacher was giving an example of how conflicts occur and she was talking about how young people get into "agreements" and this creates an atmosphere for conflict. mmmh....didn't get what she meant? me neither so instead of her calling things as they are and call it shacking up or come-we-stay arrangements she decided to just call it arrangements and failed to hit the nail on the head and drive the point home.

Then there was a time a certain church in Nairobi made headlines because of the way they decided to advertise their next sermon on sex and relationships. Every talk show for two weeks was talking about how they "failed" just because they were bold enough to say it as it is. I sit every day in loud 'matatus' where half..okay more than half of the music played is talking about sex....not just mentioning it..but in detail..such detail that makes you create a video in your head to go with the song (I need to stop procrastinating taking those driving lessons). So why is it that the world is so bold to talk about sex and no one complains but when the church is bold enough to even hint they are talking about sex..they get bashed?

I once wrote an article on sex and purposely sent it to the church editors to publish it in the monthly booklet.....they outright told me that the church does not post "such" articles....so if am not writing about how God is merciful, baptism, the holy trinity...etc my articles will not appear in the booklet.

I have a colleague who is always making fun of how church girls and boys...pretend to go on church retreats then a few months later the girl drops out of choir or praise and worship because she is pregnant....my first reaction to his statement was to get defensive but after thinking it through ...he was right....and why does this happen? Because the church is too "shy" to talk about sex.

The church has become too busy coming up with sermons that would bring in more people...certainly no one wants a small church ....so if the church is referred to as MEGA...the better...at what cost?

John 6:53: Jesus said to them, "Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.

I can picture Jesus saying this to the crowd and probably the disciples going like..."There is that flesh eating sermon, now they will think we are a bunch of weirdos" another one going like.."why can't He just talk about grace and other nice things..He has to go all weird on us, we will certainly lose followers". But Jesus was focused on saving lives by saying the truth as it is, so you would either receive or walk away but as long as He had done His Father's will.

Mathew 5:13: You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

The church has lost its saltiness in such a way now it is conforming to the standards of this world......The church has become so afraid to call sexual sin as it is....fornication, homosexuality, adultery.....in the name of growing the church...to build bigger structures....to be known as a MEGA church.

I particularly touch on sex because I have attended youth services and teens' services whereby the pastors touch around this topic but never really talking about it. 

So what happens when the world is louder than the church when talking about sex? We start having conversations on giving teenagers contraceptives......we start having kids as young as 13 going to clinics to abort....we start having teenager's having multiple partners because no one ever sat them down and told them why God says sex is sacred.....why God says that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit....no one told them sex is just not  physical its beyond that and you form soul ties with people...that saving yourself for marriage is not lame but its the best thing you can give your spouse....

.Instead the church has left it to the world to tell them..that sex is an art that is to be perfected by having many partners....that you should "test drive" the person you are dating before you marry them.....that being a virgin is something to be ashamed of....

Its time for the church to be bold.....because we will be held accountable for the Gospel that Christ left for us to preach...when He comes back having a MEGA church will not matter what will matter is how many souls we would have saved by being bold in sharing the gospel as it is...no sugar coating...but being real.