SELF IMAGE: NOT HANDSOME/PRETTY ENOUGH???

Growing up I was made fun of having big eyes and my front teeth were big...lol...I am just glad God gave me a personality that often does not allow me to take things seriously....so it never got me down but at the back of my mind ...I knew that if people made fun of them then they are not my best features........

Fast forward to when I became a teenager, the same dudes who would make fun of me now noticed me for the eyes and the smile the very things they thought were not so lovely....I didn't believe it until a guy friend of mine stared at me and went like " you have beautiful eyes"...am guessing God  spoke to me that day because since then I saw them as that..beautiful....
Lets fast forward again....now am engaged and the man of my dreams noticed me because of the eyes and the smile...mmmmmh...who would have thought??.....

The other day, I sat down with a couple of friends and every lady had a physical feature about them that they do not like....mostly because a parent or someone else had told them that that feature is not their best.....for some it was their weight, forehead, skin, legs, their behind, bust.....and they all wished they could change it......

Thing is, we are never born thinking we are not pretty/handsome enough.....it only happens when someone points it out and tells you that you are too skinny, too fat, too short, too tall, your skin is not flawless, your eyes are too big, your hips are too big...etc....what am I getting at?

You see when God created you, He was pleased with what He made because to Him it was perfect and Beautiful and He had a purpose..so we lose sight of the definition He has of us and we believe what we are told and we start comparing ourselves to others and try to be like them....so for me this is the message I want to pass today:



TO THE MEN

God created you strong enough to protect and to provide even if people say you are too skinny or too short...you do not have to be 6 feet tall and heavily built to prove your masculinity.....you find your masculinity in Christ not on the image the world has painted......
Because God created you with that body, height, hair, no hair,..every detail about you because that is exactly the way he wanted you to be....
Throughout the bible we can see the men God used to carry His will and none of them did their physique matter as much as their heart towards God....David was not the biggest guy but he defeated a giant...Moses was not a smooth talker but He is the greatest leader that ever lived......even when Samuel was sent to anoint a king although he went for the tallest and built brother but God told Him that he was not the one..Samson was the strongest guy that ever lived but he had to live in obedience to God in order to keep that strength..again His heart mattered more....God gave different abilities to these men in order for them to fulfill their specific assignment.....imagine if David looked like Samson....I bet you, we would not be amazed by that story because we would say he was strong enough to do it on his own....
Point is....Let not your motivation to have the best body or to look a certain way be that you think you are not man enough...let it be because you already love yourself in your current state and its out of that love that you take care of your body.....God designed you with that body, height and looks for a reason and you have to live to be exactly that so that you can fulfill your assignment on earth.....

So no matter the labels put on you...you are strong, you are capable, you have potential, you have gifts, you have talents...and God loves you whether you are the biggest guy, the smallest guy, the skinniest, the tallest, the shortest....God loves you and He has already equipped you to be a man who will make a change in this generation....you are a SON OF THE LIVING GOD...


TO THE WOMEN

God describes you as a ruby....meaning you are precious and beautiful.....
The bible insists that beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.....so where does the true beauty come from...outside or inside???
Throughout the bible we see women who were used by God....even for Esther..her physical beauty was not enough to make her queen...its because she kept herself pure and because she gained favor from God with the King's servant.......all the women in the bible were able to fulfill their God given task because they cultivated the unseen qualities...look at Ruth...she was loyal....Mary was obedient...point is..none of these women were used by God because of their physical beauty because that was not enough for what God wanted them to do....
We work so hard to hide our 'flaws' in order to achieve the picture portrayed by the world of a woman who is 'flawless' so we invest in looking our best physically forgetting what it means to be beautiful....

You see your body shape/size...your height...your skin color....your eyes...the shape of your head....the size of your body parts....is exactly how God wanted you to look like to fulfill your God given destiny.....
So you are precious, you are beautiful, you are stunning, you are worth more than you think you are....you are smart, funny, you are loved and worth dying for....

So no matter how 'ugly' you think you are...you are loved by the Creator of the Universe.....the reality is... you are powerful and you are capable of changing the world....you are a DAUGHTER OF THE LIVING GOD



So every time the thought of you are not good looking enough creeps up, ladies and gentlemen remind yourselves of this.....

Prayer:

Dear God,

I have believed so much on the labels people have placed on me and I have forgot your definition of me. Lord, forgive me and help me to see myself through your eyes , help me to love myself as you designed me. Help me to desire for the best in life because I am your child. Forgive me for comparing myself to others and teach me how to be content and see myself with new eyes and have the self-confidence that only comes from you. Amen

WHY I AM WAITING TO KISS MY FIANCE ON THE WEDDING DAY

I have been contemplating on writing this post for the longest time now....I thought of writing it when we were boyfriend and girlfriend..then thought I will get the courage to write it when we get engaged and I am still fearful..thinking I should write it after we cross the 'finish line'........but after we sat down and watched our engagement video...I was convinced it is never too soon to share this.....

One of the things that happened when we got engaged was the crowd around us shouting...'kiss her!' and then we sat down down to watch the video and saw the people's disappointment when my fiance didn't kiss me....lol...we laughed....why?


So, he asked me to be his girlfriend on a Friday then we sat down  the following Sunday over lunch and talked about boundaries....he went first and the first thing he told me was....."As much as I want to kiss you, I will wait until I marry you"....he didn't even know that is exactly what I asked God for....a man who would wait to kiss me when I am his wife.....so I agreed and it was sealed among other boundaries (which I will share in another post)........

Point to note....I had never been in this kind of relationship before and I had to walk away from another relationship and decide to take one year off the dating scene to get closer to God (again, this I will share later)......... so why did we decide on this? why did I personally want this?

1. To walk in purity
You see a whole forest can be burned down with a fire that started with a spark.....same thing you can say its just a kiss...forgetting its the spark that will light that fire....
So many of us like to push the buttons to see how far is too far before we can 'sin'...forgetting whatever we do that leads to that sin is already sin in itself.....
I do not want to push those buttons I would rather avoid those buttons all together...
I know my triggers I really do not want to test them....

2. I want the kiss to mean something
For me, when the priest will finally tell him..."you may now kiss your bride"..I want it to mean exactly that..that he may NOW...not then..NOW...meaning he is now allowed to kiss me because I am his bride...I want it to have a bigger meaning than just the ceremonial thing that must be done in weddings...I want it to mean that NOW my body belongs to him,...that NOW he has the right to share that intimate kiss that shows passion with me....NOW that I will be his wife....

3. Develop communication
I used to think that one of the most romantic things a guy would do when we argue would be to shut me up with a kiss....only to realize that the issue that made you argue was never solved....
So for me, I have never been good at talking about issues...it makes me very uncomfortable...so us being in this position where he cannot shut me up with a kiss and I cannot shut him up with one too...has made me learn how to communicate and as a result I have developed emotionally as well...I no longer shrug issues or wish them away instead am forced to talk through them with him....I must say this has made us the best of friends...


I have other reasons too but I will share these 3 for now......and I just want to emphasize that....we have been able to wait this long and continue to wait only by the grace of God and the boundaries we have kept which one includes not kissing until we get married....because you cannot pray to the Holy Spirit to keep you pure yet place yourself in compromising situations...we both know that kissing will lead us to where we do not want to go now and so we agreed to wait....

Its also important for me to mention that, I used to be the girl who laughed at couples who would tell me they are waiting to kiss on their wedding day...it was absurd to me....how?....then I met Christ who renewed my mind completely and I desired exactly that...to honor Him in my relationship and then one year down the line He introduced me  to His best for me....now am the girl who gets laughed at...and I enjoy it..because it is for His sake that I am ridiculed and I pray for those who laugh to experience what I experienced....

So yes, God is gracious ...yes God can help you start over and honor Him in your relationship....Yes...its possible to wait untill marriage in this day and age.....so as we continue in this journey as we wait to kiss when we are pronounced husband and wife...we keep our trust in God because if it was just us..it would be impossible....to Him ALL Glory and Honor.

A SKILLED WORK MAN:" HURAM-ABI"

Huram..who? Who is this guy? ..is he real? where did you hear about him?...lets look at the scriptures....


2 Chronicles 2:7: “Send me, therefore, a man skilled to work in gold and silver, bronze and iron, and in purple, crimson and blue yarn, and experienced in the art of engraving, to work in Judah and Jerusalem with my skilled workers, whom my father David provided.

2 Chronicles 2:13-14: I am sending you Huram-Abi, a man of great skill, whose mother was from Dan and whose father was from Tyre. He is trained to work in gold and silver, bronze and iron, stone and wood, and with purple and blue and crimson yarn and fine linen. He is experienced in all kinds of engraving and can execute any design given to him. He will work with your skilled workers and with those of my lord, David your father.

So this was when Solomon was building the temple for God and he wrote to Hiram, the King of Tyre and then Hiram sent him a man by the name of Huram-Abi. He is mostly compared with a man named Oholiab (Exodus 35:30-35) 

So this guy had mad skills! We can call him the principal architect (he would create any design given to him)  and engineer (he was able to work with any material given to him)...... 


This verse struck me and I remember making a silent prayer telling God...I want to be like this guy..who gets recommended by a King...... So what does it take?

1 Kings 7:14-15: He was a widow's son from the tribe of Naphtali, and his father was a man of Tyre, a worker in bronze; and he was filled with wisdom and understanding and skill for doing any work in bronze So he came to King Solomon and performed all his work. He fashioned the two pillars of bronze; eighteen cubits was the height of one pillar, and a line of twelve cubits measured the circumference of both.

Huram Abi was filled with wisdom and understanding that would only come from God, because even though Solomon had wisdom in building the temple, God provided him with a man who had wisdom and understanding in the skill of building the temple. We can call him the temple designer who was filled with wisdom and knowledge and Solomon the temple builder filled with wisdom and knowledge...
Where am I getting at?
The main focus on this man is in the wisdom and understanding he was filled with that enabled him to have those set of skills. The kind of wisdom and understanding that can only come from God.
Proverbs 22:29: Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank.
When we read this verse we mostly focus on our abilities, our education and the knowledge we gain from experience...do not get me wrong it is not bad. But we limit ourselves when we only look at these qualities when we can always ask God to fill us with His wisdom and His understanding then we will be able to achieve far more beyond what we thought we could.
Remember Solomon? He asked God for wisdom and he was given and the bible says there was never and will never be a King like him...why? because the wisdom he had did not come from books...or experience but it  came from God.
The same way for Huram Abi to have been able to possess such set of skills that made him be recommended by a King and stand out from the rest ...where I choose to believe that there were other skilled men but not as skilled as him...maybe his classmates.....it only had to be because he possessed wisdom from God.....
Thing is, even in our pursuit to seek to be skilled and to be the best in the places where God has put us...let us not rely on our own wisdom and understanding thinking there is no place for God in this.....the answer to getting that promotion or having the most successful business in that sector is seeking the wisdom and understanding that ONLY comes from God...this is what will make you a pace setter and a change maker in this generation....so just like Huram Abi...may you be filled with wisdom and understanding from God that will make you a skilled workman who will serve before Kings/presidents.......
Prayer:Dear God, 
I want to be the best in school/work/business, help me Lord in this pursuit to not  forget to seek wisdom and understanding that only comes from you. I pray for you to fill me with wisdom and knowledge so that even when I become the best I will not give credit to myself but all glory may go to you. In Jesus name I pray
Amen

ITS JUST SEX

"You smell so good and look so good...you even have a car?? no way! you bought me drinks ....you know what? lets get out of here and do what  we have wanted to do the whole night....let me give you my body and you give me yours.....don't talk about how many girls/men you have been with...this is our moment...don't talk about how you have never taken that blood test..I will take your word for it that you are okay...do not ruin the moment...lets live in the now..after all its JUST SEX!"

"Everyone is doing it......how lame are you? you haven't done it...you are just too weird....it only means no one finds you attractive..I mean why else haven't you tried it?....its JUST SEX!"

"No way! you have to know what you are getting yourself into...its like buying a car without getting a test drive.....you have to see his 'merchandise' ...what if you don't like the size?? c'mon do not go in blindly...after all its JUST SEX!"

"We are definitely meant to be...we have been together since forever....we are definitely getting married...you love me..I love you..we are engaged...I cannot imagine anything coming between us....why not? this will only bring us closer...and we want to be closer... it will make us exclusive....its JUST SEX!"

"Am 18! YOLO!...finally legal age....I can drink booze...I can finally be away from my parents and do what I want...I can finally lose my virginity..what is the big deal....its JUST SEX!"

"We are so in love.....I mean I can talk to you all night...I cannot stop thinking about you...all my friends know you...my family too...this definitely something serious....lets do it...its  JUST SEX!"

"We are here together.you could be anywhere else but you decided to be here with me...you look hot am hot too....I have protection....why not?...its JUST SEX!"

"My biological clock is ticking...I cannot find a man at my age who will marry me....my family is always pressuring me to get a kid....I mean I can raise one on my own....all I need to do is get a 'sperm donor'...after all its JUST SEX!"

NO!

1 Cor 6:16: Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."

Gen 2:24: That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Its not just sex.....its more than sex...it is you joining your soul to another person's ..it goes beyond the physical.....its not two sexual organs coming together its two souls joining to be one.....

NO!

1 Corinthians 7:2 - Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Its not just sex...you cannot have it with anyone that you please..sex was preserved for married couples...not dating couples...not friends with benefits relationships...not engaged couples...BUT married couples....

We live in a generation where sex is taken so casual....its like having tea....this is the lie that the enemy has given to us..that its JUST sex....when God created it to be shared between man and wife so that they would become one....but we have believed in the lie that we cannot control ourselves..that if God created it then He wants us to act on it...yes He does but in the right context....

Lets stop making excuses when we know that GOD is the SAME yesterday, today and forever..what He said will remain...no matter what excuse we come up with....God expects us to live in purity...to honor Him while we honor our bodies..because its the only sin that causes us to sin against our bodies...Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit?

The great thing is that God gives us His grace and no matter how much we have messed up because we have believed the lie that .."its just sex" He offers us redemption.....He convicts us of our sin and leads us to repentance....He makes ALL things new...so do not get caught up on...'I messed up'.....accept His grace and let Him put the truth in you......

Prayer:

Dear God,

I have believed so much in the lie that its just sex when all along you call for me to honor you as I honor my body. Today, I ask you Lord to forgive me for giving my body to sexual sin and believing the lie, help me to walk in purity, in my thoughts, words and actions. Help me Lord to abstain from sex until marriage because I cannot do it without you and teach me how to honor you. I pray this in Jesus name.

Amen

DEAR 18 YEAR OLD ME...

Dear 18 year old me,

I always think about what I will write then the minute I sit down to do it...the words seem to disappear but here it goes.....

You do not have to walk away from Christ to have 'fun', you don't have to follow the crowd and want the life that others live because they make it look like you are missing out...you see...Christ came so that you  may have life and have it in abundance...meaning all the fun is in Him..there is nothing you are missing out on.....for what you pursue is worldly pleasure which will leave you heartbroken and desperate..while what Christ offers is an eternity of peace, joy and everything good you can think of or imagine..actually above and beyond that.....

You will one day meet a man whose patience will remind you of Jacob...a man whose wisdom will remind you of Solomon...a man whose love will remind you of Christ....so you don't have to settle with that boy just because everyone around you has a boyfriend....you don't have to settle with that boy just because you think he has 'swag'.... you don't have to! Because what Christ has for you is exactly what you need to fulfill your purpose on earth...you two will honor Christ in the relationship.....So don't settle...don't pursue relationships more than you pursue your relationship with Christ.....sit at His feet and at the right time..He will bring you two together....

You don't have to be like everyone else because Christ created you to be just YOU...and He made you with that personality...with your looks...with everything that you are because that is EXACTLY how He wanted you and everything that you are is EXACTLY what you need to do HIS will on this earth...so do not try to be like all the other girls...be exactly who God made you to be... discover yourself.....build your strengths..tap into your talent....work on your weaknesses...love yourself just the way you are because you are beautiful, smart, lovely, funny,.....no matter what anyone says...never forget that.....

Honor your Mother...because your blessings lie with her....she has so much wisdom that you can tap in even though you feel like she doesn't want you to have fun.....she only wants the very best for you...I can assure you no one else in this world will give you that unconditional love that she shows you.....she doesn't want you to learn from YOUR mistakes..she is only protecting from the cruel world that you will come to know one day....spend more time with her....listen to her and honor her because in this way you are assured of long life and you will avoid making so many mistakes....

Invest in friendships that build you and not the ones that pull you away from Christ...let it be that the only peer pressure you will experience from the friends you have be that to live for Christ.....make friends with people who pray with you and for you....make friends with people who correct you when you are wrong.....walk away from friendships that lead you astray...walk away from friends who only get you into trouble...actually FLEE!....you will look back one day and thank God for making that decision.....

Lastly, enjoy your youth but remember God will judge you for everything you will do....do not listen to the poems and 'smart' quotes that tell you to make mistakes when you are young...that tell you that you don't need to commit to anything because you are still young....commit to your dreams...have goals in your studies....start planning where you would want to see yourself in 5 years....and do things purposely to work towards those goals....let no one lie to you that it is too early to start....start saving because this is one thing that will be good for you in the future...cultivate this habit early...do not try to compete with the 'rich' kids....live your life...love it...enjoy it and most of all let no one dismiss you because you are too young when you share Christ....let Him be the center of your world....




Love,
25 year old you

5 REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH THAT MAN

Women are very relational, they say everything else can go wrong in our lives but if our relationships are okay then we are okay. This quality is what makes most women end up settling for a man that is not God's best for them.... I have seen countless of women in relationships where they know that man is not for them but they stick around because of the fear of being alone. (I have been there too)
You see once you make the decision to tie yourself to a man that God has not planned for you then it alters your destiny...the best you can be is mediocre...every woman deserves to live an extraordinary life meaning you have to be connected to an extraordinary man who is God's best for you.

I hope that after reading this you will reflect on the relationship you are in now/ where you have been/where you are going and analyse if that man is really God's best for you......



1. He is having  sex with you before marriage

You say you are with a God- fearing man, yet that man still has sex with you before he makes you his wife. So what god is that man fearing? If it is the one true God...then that man will fear doing the very things that God is against.......that man will know it is a sin to defile his body and your body.....
A God fearing man is not a man who goes to church every Sunday, who says he believes in God or who can quote scripture.....
A God fearing man is a man who lives the word of God....you will see the fruits he bears.....you will see that he protects your purity and will make you his wife before he can lay with you.....

2. He abuses you (physically and emotionally)

Lets start with the emotional abuse....he always has something negative to say about you....he is always putting you down ......he makes you feel inferior and may even use curse words on you.......
You see..... God describes you as more precious than a ruby, He calls you beautiful,...He looked at His creation and saw it was good.....you see He took time to make you...He already had great plans for you even when you were in the womb....
If this is how your Maker describes you....and it is because He loves you....then why do you believe  a man who says he loves you and yet abuses you and labels you as something less than what your creator says you are...
A man who loves you will praise you, he will make you feel loved and wanted...he will describe you and label you the same way God does...He will reflect that kind of love...
Which goes without saying that he will not abuse you physically either......

3. He pushes you further from Christ

Ever since you two got together you cannot remember the last time you had quite time with God....the last time you read His word or even the last time you attended church...
No relationship should take the place of God in your life.....
You see the minute you let that relationship push you away from Christ then you will idolize it and expect the man to be your god...expecting him to fill the void that only God can fill....
A man who is for you will always point you to Christ...that relationship will make you get closer to Christ not substitute Him...


4. He does not take  initiative 

Lets say you are the one who approached him and asked him out on a date and eventually you pushed him into being your boyfriend.....
Women nowadays are encouraged to go after the guy...in the tabloids...in the Hollywood movies....
Women are encouraged to take the lead in relationships..... this destroys the order that God put in place...
You see the man was created to lead the woman......so what happens when the woman is doing the leading? the woman will end up frustrated because she will be the one working to sustain the relationship while the man takes the back seat.....
A real man takes initiative...he will pursue you...he is not okay with being pursued.....no matter how 'shy' he is......

5. He has no personal relationship with Christ

You see God instructs a man to love his wife just like Christ loved the church...this is the kind of love that is willing to die for you....what a task!
You see for a man to understand how to love you to that extent he has to be connected to the author of love who is Christ.....and you my dear deserve that kind of a man whose love reflects that of Christ...


There are many other things to look out for in a man to be able to see if he is God's best for you....

Thing is if you know in your heart that you have settled for someone who is less than who God has intended for you..I pray that you get the courage to end it and decide to wait on God...to wait on God to reveal that man in His own timing...
I will not lie that it will be easy but I promise it will be worth it because God always exceeds our expectations beyond what we can ever think or imagine.....

LESSONS FROM 2015

I wanted to write this post before 2015 ended but I guess I got caught up in the festivities.....Here are a few lessons I learned in 2015 that for me will set the foundation for me in 2016...


On My Christian Walk.....

It was the year where my faith was tested...from praying for a job and seeing nothing happen ...to being reminded that Christ is my sole provider..not a job..nothing else but Him....
It is the year where I was convicted about sharing Christ every opportunity that I get because time is running out and my key mission on this earth as a Christian is to preach Christ with my words and actions...there were days I couldn't get the courage to share Christ but He gave me other chances for me to step up....you see, I learned that if I deny Him before men,,,He will deny me in front of the Father..I shouldn't just have Him in my heart but share Him out and win more souls for Him...the calling is bigger than me and it will mean me losing my life for the sake of the gospel...

On family...

It was the year I was taught on honoring my mother more....learning to speak her love language which is acts of service despite me not wanting to at times....you see my blessings lie with her...she is my first ministry before I go out to the world..she must see Christ in me....my family is the first ministry and I learned to listen to God on how to treat my family...
I finally forgave my relatives after 15 years of holding on to a grudge that I never knew I had until God showed me....I learned to love..

On love.....

It was the year I must say I grew in love with my best friend....I got to know him better and to grow in friendship with him....God convicted me of the many times I would see the mistakes in him instead of perfecting the love I have for him....It is the year I learned what it means to love deliberately even when the emotions go...to love unconditionally.....


On friendships.....

It was the year that God convicted me of being more of a taker than a giver in my friendships....It was the year where I learned how to be considerate of others and sincerely love others...
It was the year that God taught me to go on my knees for my friends.....
It was the year that God showed me who to keep in my life and who to let go without being bitter...
It was the year that I learned I have to be deliberate to make the friendships I have work and give more...

On my career...

It was the year that God opened unexpected doors for me, that led me to see where my passion really lies...
At the beginning of 2015 I felt like I did not have the necessary skills and capability to achieve all that I wanted to achieve but through the opportunities that God opened for me....He showed me that I am more than capable and I am more than able....
I got to meet amazing mentors in my line of work who have mentored me to where I am now...
For the first time since I started working I had a clear vision of where I want to be in the next 5 years....

On physical fitness...

I started the year on a high note..I would eat drink sleep exercises....then my time became limited and I had to cut down on the training...then came asthma and I had to really cut down...
I learned that working out is 20% and eating is 80%...I learned to watch my diet ...despite falling off the wagon a few times.....
It takes a lot of discipline to achieve the goals that you have in terms of fitness...ALOT of discipline...


On Finances......

It was the year where I got to earn more than I did and spent more than I should have....despite me getting an accountability partner and trying...I always made the wrong choices with my finances...
I learned it takes more than wishing and praying for me to get to where I want to be financially meaning I will have to be more disciplined and invest in learning about financial management...
If I am not faithful with the little then how can I expect God to bless me with more?