"How far is too far?" ....this is the most common question asked in every relationship seminar held for young people......Usually we ask this so that we can find out just how much we can be physically involved with someone we are dating before it is categorized as sin.....
Other questions that follow are is it okay to kiss? to cuddle? etc....
It is like walking closer to the edge of a cliff and keep asking someone am I almost falling?(seems like your aim is to fall, because why are you doing that?) kinda dumb isn't it? Because every step you take towards the edge of the cliff increases your chances of falling off the cliff....
So if you are asking this question...I would urge you to stop just where you are and consider these things.....
1. God has not called us to be virgins but to be sexually pure
I have met christian men who tell me that they make out, shower and do all sorts of things with their girlfriends but they do not have sexual intercourse with them because they are saving that for their wives.....this is like telling me that you take a slice of bread and butter it and lick it and return it in it's pack for someone else to eat...(okay maybe not the best comparison, but you get what I mean)
Virginity is part of being sexually pure, but you can be a virgin and not be sexually pure...what am I getting at? Sexual purity is so much more than remaining a virgin physically. Purity means freedom from contamination, from any thing that would spoil the taste of pleasure, reduce power or in any way adulterate what the thing was meant to be. It means cleanness, clearness-no additives, nothing artificial in other words 'all natural' in the sense in which the original designer designed it to be.(definition borrowed from Elisabeth Elliot)
So can I say then that what we do (the making out, cuddling, petting, oral sex, etc) is sin? Or can I say that it might take the edge off, spoil the taste of pleasure later on, it might distract the heart?
Jesus commended the Pharisees for teaching the doctrines but they exemplified little of what they taught. It is always the heart's direction that matters....God is always concerned about your heart,....so why are you doing all that you do? Is it to remain sexually pure or is it to remain a virgin? or is it to try balancing your desires with that of God by justifying it by saying..'we did not go the whole way'.....
2. You will fall off the cliff soon
As humans we tend to get bored with routine, doing the same thing over and over again leaves us with the urge of taking it a notch higher or doing the 'thing' differently in order to get the excitement of doing it back.So how long do you think you can last before you two decide to increase the pleasure and the excitement? How long do you think it will take before you start looking for excuses to fall down the cliff? This is where you will get yourselves trying to justify it by saying...'After all we will get married eventually', or 'we have already got this far'.....etc....
3. If you are ashamed of what you are doing then stop
Because you are already asking how far you can go, probably it is because you already know you want or you are already doing something that you cannot tell your pastor about....
Every time you do anything that leaves you feeling ashamed is a sign you should stop.....run back far away from the cliff and stay there......
Why do we get ourselves asking this question as Christians? Number one reason is because our hearts are not right with God, because once you understand that God has called you to be Holy just like He is.....it should push you to a higher level and to higher standards..where you are not trying to test and see how far you can go before you sin but where you run far away from what may lead you to sin....because you get to understand that as a Christian, your standards have been set much much much higher than that of the world because you are a reflection of Christ on earth....
Meaning even in our relationships we are called to set the bar so high so that we may be able to walk in purity, thing is you can pray not to fall into sin and even bind spirits but if you two do not put boundaries that will help you walk in purity you are bound to fall....
Wouldn't that relationship be boring? what then will distinguish you two as boyfriend and girlfriend and not just friends?
There are a lot of fun things you can do together that will enable you to bond in a way that all the other ways cannot. Thing is you can make out with anyone, you can do all those things with anyone but if you are looking to marry someone you may want to find out how the person behaves around their friends? family? how they handle finances? how many kids they want? etc so many things that are not determined by whether you get physical or not....
ASK and you shall be answered....ask God to guide you two in the relationship and if truly you two desire to walk in purity, He will honor that and keep you two....if you two are heading closer to the cliff...stop and re-evaluate your relationship and see if you are honoring God in it maybe it is time to put new boundaries in the relationship.....if you two have already fallen off the cliff and desire to walk in purity....ask for forgiveness and put boundaries in the relationship and get people who will keep you two accountable...if you are the only one in the relationship trying not to get to the edge of the cliff and the other party is pushing you? Walk away, as hard as it may be...you have to choose them or honoring God.....
very true....
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