After I wrote the post on why I am waiting to kiss my fiance on the wedding day, it made rounds on social media and a friend of mine shared with me a screen shot from one of the groups it was shared in. The caption on it was "do people do this?" And there were several other comments that followed people asking what if I get disappointed etc... It was hilarious to me because I understood where they were coming from because I used to ask such questions a while back.
God put it in my heart to share our journey so far and how we have managed to still stick to that boundary so far...(A few more days to go...lol). So what has worked for us?
1. Boundaries
From the beginning of our relationship, we established a few boundaries that we felt would enable us to wait till marriage to have sex. For us, the first three boundaries that we set were; kissing was off the table (I wrote about the why's on that post) , no front hugs this meant we would give each other side hugs and we would not be at any one time alone behind closed doors, this meant that we would not visit each other when unaccompanied, so most of our hang outs are always outdoors...you will find us going out for picnics, cycling and hiking...oh! and going to restaurants with very bright lighting..lol.
It was easy to keep these boundaries in our first year of courtship, but when we got to the second year (I think when we grew in love), we soon found out that it was hard to keep our hands off each other and this led to us adding more boundaries in our basket. A few of what we added were; he would not touch my thigh, we would stop calling each other late in the night and we put a curfew where our dates end before 8:30pm.
It was easy to keep these boundaries in our first year of courtship, but when we got to the second year (I think when we grew in love), we soon found out that it was hard to keep our hands off each other and this led to us adding more boundaries in our basket. A few of what we added were; he would not touch my thigh, we would stop calling each other late in the night and we put a curfew where our dates end before 8:30pm.
Lesson: Get to understand your triggers as individuals and situations that would make you two vulnerable then set boundaries around that.
2. Accountability
The first part of this is, we keep each other accountable, we have this habit of asking each other how it is going so far and remind each other why we are doing this.
The second part is, I have four ladies who keep me accountable. They are the ones who will tell me to let go of stupid ideas such as inviting Grey over when am alone, to avoid holding on to his arm too tight....or tell me when my dress is too tight or too short...etc...they are the ones I ask to pray for us when I see that we are about to fall. Oh these sisters are fierce! And I have got mad at them a few times.
The first part of this is, we keep each other accountable, we have this habit of asking each other how it is going so far and remind each other why we are doing this.
The second part is, I have four ladies who keep me accountable. They are the ones who will tell me to let go of stupid ideas such as inviting Grey over when am alone, to avoid holding on to his arm too tight....or tell me when my dress is too tight or too short...etc...they are the ones I ask to pray for us when I see that we are about to fall. Oh these sisters are fierce! And I have got mad at them a few times.
3. The Grace of God
Having boundaries and accountability is not enough, the one thing that has kept us this far is God's grace.
There was a time we found ourselves alone for about 1 hour at my home (unplanned, its a long story) but funny thing is that the night before, God showed Grey in a dream that we would end up alone in the house and he had to pray about it when he woke up and God kept us and nothing happened.
Only by His grace have we been able to abstain this far.....to be honest there are days we wish we were not waiting but His grace is always sufficient for us.....
Something to note:
Thing is, we both decided that we would wait until marriage and not kiss the person we would date even before we ever met.... And the decision to wait is not because of each other but because of our relationship with God. There is no way you will say you are in a relationship with Jesus and not desire to live like He commands and He says if you love Him you will obey His commands. So whatever holds us to this decision is bigger than us and that is the only way we have been able to wait.
Having boundaries and accountability is not enough, the one thing that has kept us this far is God's grace.
There was a time we found ourselves alone for about 1 hour at my home (unplanned, its a long story) but funny thing is that the night before, God showed Grey in a dream that we would end up alone in the house and he had to pray about it when he woke up and God kept us and nothing happened.
Only by His grace have we been able to abstain this far.....to be honest there are days we wish we were not waiting but His grace is always sufficient for us.....
Something to note:
Thing is, we both decided that we would wait until marriage and not kiss the person we would date even before we ever met.... And the decision to wait is not because of each other but because of our relationship with God. There is no way you will say you are in a relationship with Jesus and not desire to live like He commands and He says if you love Him you will obey His commands. So whatever holds us to this decision is bigger than us and that is the only way we have been able to wait.
Which role has he played?
Let me use an example; there was a time he was pushed by our friends to help me learn how to swim which would mean us getting close to each other and he walked away from the pool.
This was significant to me because he purposefully aims for us to walk in purity and removes himself from situations where it would be compromised
This was significant to me because he purposefully aims for us to walk in purity and removes himself from situations where it would be compromised
My role?
As much as I always want to look good for him, I aim not to make him stumble by avoiding to wear anything that would tempt him.
Our role together?
We continuously pray for each other that we may be able to walk in purity with our minds, words and actions. We both understand that we are just human and we may fall but if we have Jesus covering us, we will be fine.
I write this with the aim of encouraging those courting and those hoping to court one day that it is possible for two young people who are madly in love with each other to wait until marriage, do not believe in the lies of the world that it is impossible or you have already messed up or you have to prove sexual compatibility before you marry someone. God will make it possible for you, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things will be added unto you.
With love,
Enid
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