Purity: Shout out to all my ladies

My mother was at a seminar recently where she met a young girl who ended up opening up to her on relationships and she was complaining  how her new boyfriend is "boring" because he has not asked to have sex with her for the 7 months they have been dating. Shocked? no? yes? I was, at least now I am , I know a few years back I would have shared her sentiments.

I understand we live in a fallen world where being a virgin as a girl is no longer a good thing but something you should be ashamed of....I am not writing this to condemn anyone but to enable ladies to see things differently and I do not claim to be innocent or blameless, I claim to be saved by God's grace from a mess I had created by getting myself caught up in the wrong relationships...I am a really bad girl saved by a really good God.


In God's word ladies are instructed to NOT awaken love until its time...and I believe nothing written in the bible is written in vain because what happens when we awaken love before its time...we create soul ties with men who are not meant for us that is why we stick to wrong relationships, abusive relationships, it leads to a lot of heartache and pain just because of something that only seemed to be physical and we shared a moment that was meant to be shared in marriage with a random man. Well  you may say the guy is not random, you two are in love, engaged..etc but fact remains he is NOT your husband.

We come up with all sorts of excuses for men and claim that he is good, he treats you right, he is "religious" but every now and then you two have sex....any man who is okay with having sex with you before marriage is not for you, He is not God's best for you....how can a God who wants us to stay pure in our singleness want you to be with someone who does not protect that purity?

We claim we can change men that is why so many Christian/saved girls are trying to make relationships work with guys who are not saved, they keep dragging them to church every Sunday hoping to change them ignoring God's word which says that you should not be unequally yoked and make up our own rules because we are afraid of ending up alone.

I believe God has a different plan for women , A woman is a jewel, so precious, so rare...she should be treated with dignity but how do we expect to be treated with dignity when we give every guy husband benefits...we are sleeping in his bed every weekend, cooking, cleaning and when he gets tired and dumps us we curse and call him a dog when all along we are the ones who gave it up for just a pair of legs and some muscle not realizing how valuable we are.

I believe when  women  will start seeing themselves through God's eyes that is when things will change because in His eyes we are precious, loved, smart, beautiful, talented, favored....in a way that we cannot even imagine but over and over again we lose sight of this and end up desperate for any man who will pay attention to us forgetting the only man who deserves that desperation died on the cross for us because He loved us so much.

Until when women will go back to their first love (not your first boyfriend), I mean Christ who first loved us even before we were formed in our mother's womb. The man who literally gave up everything for you, the one who sees you crying every night because you gave your heart to the wrong man, the one who holds your hand when you realized you got pregnant and the man responsible denied it, the man who will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Until we fall in love with Christ first we will continue "giving it up" for every guy who calls us beautiful or buys us lunch or takes us on an expensive trip.

My desire is for women to realize that the man who God desires for you to be with will respect your purity and will protect it until he calls you his wife. I urge you to wait on God's timing for Him to reveal that man to you but until He does, enjoy life, build yourself, read more, learn how to cook, have fun with your girlfriends and never forget your heart first belongs to Christ before anyone else.

With lots of love

Enid Nzisa

The struggle is real

Going down memory lane I remember there was a time I would never tell the truth even if I was caught in the act, as a result..even when I would tell the truth my mother would never believe me. I do not know where I got the idea of praying about it, I must have been 5 or 6 years and asked God to help me to stop lying. With time I would start feeling guilty about lying and I started telling the truth even though it took my mother like a decade to truly see I had changed, I was happy I was free from the habit.

We all have things that we struggle with...be it gossiping, lying, holding grudges,alcoholism, sexual sin,....the list is endless.It is part of being human, we are faulty since the fall of man, some struggles may seem bigger than others and as we grow up the struggles seem to get more complicated and serious.

I am still surprised that at such a young age when I did not know God, I sincerely went to Him and asked Him to help me because I knew I would not do it on my own.

2 Corinthians 12:9-12 : But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 John 4:4 Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world

Just a few scriptures to show you that God is concerned about the areas in your life that you struggle with, there is nothing so shameful, disgusting, so bad that He cannot deliver you from. His grace is sufficient, His love is never ending, there is nothing on this earth and in heaven that can make Him stop loving you leave alone the struggles that you have. He wants you to come just as you are and ask Him to help you overcome, because you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

So today, I urge you to leave the guilt, the shame....and say a sincere prayer to Him, for Him to deliver you and walk with you. The struggles will always be there as long as we are in the flesh but He will deliver us from each one of them as long as we let Him work in us, He is faithful to complete the work He will begin until you are free.

The struggle is real, but His grace, love, forgiveness, faithfulness is more real than anything else and in the end they will remain. 

It does not make sense!

I have been through some experiences for the last few weeks that did not make sense to me, I got some sort of food poisoning then the medicine brought further complications with my liver. It did not make sense at all that my liver would have any problems, I mean I exercise, I drink a lot of water, I try to eat healthy and I do  not take alcohol so why??? It made me stay indoors for almost two weeks...
Then, my cousin passed away this week and it is the most devastating news I have heard for a very long time, at the age of 24 her life was cut short and to me it did not make sense as to why would she go when she was just starting to build her life.
A lot of things happen to us that do not make a whole lot of sense no matter how many times you will try to look at the situation.

It does not make sense when after you have prayed for work for a long time and you get fired within a short time without doing anything wrong.
It does not make sense when the person who you thought was the "one" walks out on you and does not look back.
It does not make sense when you lose your loved one whether young or old.
It does not make sense when you planned out your business plan so well and prayed about it then a few months later it collapses and you are left with debts.
It does not make sense when you work so hard in school and end up failing your exams.

In short....a lot of things that happen do not make sense to us, because we do not get  the expected results after mixing all the right formulas.

I learned/ I am learning a few things during this time, indulge me for a few minutes and read:


1.God is still in control

Just because we FEEL like God is not present does not mean He is not there. God is always there, there is nothing that happens to us without His knowledge. Our emotions are not a determinant of His presence. God in His unlimited knowledge knows why certain things happen in our lives and we might not get the answer at all or we might get the answer after sometime.
He says in His word that He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us, meaning in the good and bad times He is still present , when things seem to be out of control, He is still there.

Deuteronomy 31: 8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” 

Deuteronomy 31: 6

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” 

You can have confidence during this time that God is right there with you, holding your hand so you can go through these trying times.

2. God has a purpose

I had become so busy, working two jobs, I would rush every morning without spending time with God as I used to. When I fell sick I had all this time in the world to just sit in His presence and learn from Him, and during this time I felt God's love in a whole special way I had not before. He is my healer, comforter, my strength and pillar. I was reminded why I would take time every morning to pray and read His word.

He has a great and mighty plan for us, going through these tough times never means that God no longer has those plans for us. He has a purpose for everything He does, He has planned your life from beginning to end even before you were formed in your mother's womb.
How amazing is that? that God already set out things in motion so you would have this great future that you cannot imagine and at times these hard times are part of those plans for God to get you to where He wants you, where you losing that job was His way of bringing you to a better one, where that person walking away was His way of Him connecting you to the love of your life.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 :For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

 

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” 

 

3. God is constant

 We are familiar with the greeting ; "God is good ALL the time" ALL meaning in the good and bad times, God is good. When we have plenty or nothing God is good, when we are healthy or unwell God is good. God remains good and faithful ALL the time, He cannot change, He is the same yesterday today and forever. Being good and faithful is what He is.

So no matter what you are facing God is good ALL the time.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 

Malachi 3:6  “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed. 

 

Revelation 1:8“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.” 

 

My prayer is that even when things do not make sense, we will have hope in the fact that for every heartache that touches our lives goes through His hand and He will never give us anything that we cannot withstand. That during these days we will be confident and trust in the one who knows it all.

So when it does not make sense trust in the one who is able to do ALL things and will give you the strength to do ALL things.

Lessons learned after one year of going back to my FIRST LOVE

 
So it has been a year since, to be precise it has been one year and four months since I turned back and decided to go back to the ONE who loved me first even before I came into existence.

I want to share a few lessons I have learned over the year, and I must say that it has been the BEST year of my life.

1. GOD NEVER GIVES UP ON YOU

I can now actually look back and  I get to see how God was relentless in His pursuit to save me from myself. I got so many convictions that I ignored until I could not ignore anymore. Recently a friend of mine mentioned she was praying for me every morning she would go out to pray about a certain area of my life and I believe those prayers are what God used to get me back.
I got to the point where I would have sleepless nights and I would smile on the outside but I was miserable and I knew things had to change so I had a choice of either continue in my pitiful situation or change things. I am glad I got the convictions and God used those around me to turn my attention back to Him.
God will do anything to get your attention drawn back to Him, He loves you so much that He would even take away some things or people from you rather that watch you self destruct. He is so passionate about humanity that He gave up His ONLY son to die on the cross for us, its amazing to know such an amazing God who does not NEED me WANTS me! It blows me away to know He would customize situations and place certain people in my life in order to get me back to Him.

Deuteronomy 31:8: It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

2. ITS NEVER TOO LATE

Ever felt like you have messed up so much? you have done so many bad things that God would not want you?
That is a lie from the devil!  I believed that lie, I felt like it was too late for me to turn back and ask for forgiveness and start over. Like His word says He stands at the door knocking and whoever will open the door and let Him in, He will dwell there. He is constantly giving us opportunities to turn to Him, to choose Him and walk with Him. 
If  you are reading this and you have not received Him as your Savior or you did in the past and now you seem to have wandered off, I just want to tell you that He is right there ready to receive you with open arms and wipe the slate clean, He will remember your sins no more. He will make you new and you no longer have to  hold on to unforgiveness, shame, pain or guilt. 
All you need to do is repent and ask Him to come into your heart and believe in your heart that Jesus died on the cross for your sins.

1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

Hebrews 8:12 : For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” 

 

3. HE WILL LEAD YOU

 

For the longest time I believed that being a Christian meant that I had to work so hard to be good hence I decided that it would require so much effort that I do not want to put in and after all I had failed so many times.

Christianity is usually seen as a difficult way to live but in my opinion its just the simplest and uncomplicated way you can live. Do not get me wrong yes there will be challenges what I mean is, for the longest time Christianity has been confused with religion where you are meant to adhere to certain rules. When it is a completely different thing, this is where God places the Holy Spirit to lead you and to show you the way to live, as  a Christian when you finally decide to follow the leading of the Spirit instead of trying to do things through your own strength is when true freedom is realized.

So all you need to do is to ask Him to help you live by His word, grow your relationship with Him, read His word, spend time with Him.

 

John 14:26: But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 

 

Romans 8:26: Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

 

 

In this day and age where it seems easier to live by our own rules and do things just because other people are doing and disregard what God says concerning certain things it is so easy to start with so much zeal for Christ but only after sometime get yourself back to where you began or even in a worse condition.

 

My message is that ...life outside Christ is worthless and meaningless, and that is why we run around looking for comfort in relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc but always end up empty. Until the day as a human being you come to the realization that Christ is the only one who can fill that void is the day when you will be free in this life.

I will share more on the lessons learned with time and some of the things I have seen God do in my life. It is the best decision I have ever made in my life and will ever make and so the journey of getting back to my first love continues and I am excited to see what He has in store for me.

 

What will people say about you?

It has been a while since I wrote anything on the blog, partly because I have been a bit busy but its been an amazing month so far. I believe there are seasons in our lives that God teaches us different things and for me this month after picking up a book called " Crazy love" I have been learning what it really means to love my God with all my heart, my mind and my soul and loving my neighbor as myself. So allow me to share some of the things I have been learning:

Funny how we make so many plans for our future, probably because we are expected to because one of the things that will determine as a young person that you are focused is if you are able to answer the question. "Where do you see yourself in five years?". The thing is our lives are so fragile, we are here today and gone the next day. I could die even before I finish this post or you could die before you finish reading it. Indulge me for a while and think about this:

What would people say about you once you are gone? Once they place you 6 feet under? Will they try to come up with adjectives just because we are told to respect the dead or will they have good things to say because of how you lived?

Just think about it.....how does your life look like? are we so caught up chasing our dreams that we forget that this life, me and you and everything in it is temporary and only God is eternal. Lets take an example: If you are given an option of choosing a job that only guarantees you employment for 3 months or choosing a job that will allow you to be employed for 5 years...well you might say it depends but most people will go for the one that offers 5 years. So why are we able to make that pick so easily but often times in this life we choose what is temporary to what is eternal?

Mathew 6: 19-21Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.


What am I getting at? When Christ came on this earth He showed us the best example of loving God and loving our neighbors and left us the mandate to do the same...
What does it mean? It means everything in this life does not matter if we do not love others, meaning we might chase after things on this earth but in the end we will end up empty .
So when you are gone will people say you were the perfect example of God's love on this earth? Meaning did we put other people's needs before ours or were we just concerned about ourselves? Meaning did we care for the homeless, orphans and poor or were we so caught up in our lives to notice? Meaning did we ever purposefully look for ways to be a blessing to others or were we more concerned about what we would get from others?

When we leave this earth what will matter is what we stored up in heaven and not on this earth... what will matter is how many lives we changed.....what will matter is how we treated those that the world rejected.....what will matter is how much of ourselves we denied to give to others....in the end all that will matter is how much we lived obeying the commandments to Love our God with all our hearts, mind and soul and loving our neighbors as ourselves. So the most important question to answer is "What will people say when you are gone?"

Allow me to share a poem I found in the book:

                                      SINCE I HAVE MY LIFE BEFORE ME
                                               by Brooke Bronkowski
I'll live my life to the fullest. I'll be happy. I'll brighten up. I will be more joyful that I have ever been. I will be kind to others . I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles. 
You see, I will be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I will have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact that's all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I will be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold back. I'll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.
I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best.

The girl who wrote this died when she was 14 years old and during her funeral, nearly 15000 people attended it and atleast 200 students gave their lives to Christ that day. She lived the kind of life that all of us are meant to live. Always remembering that our lives are fragile and the only day that matters is today and the only thing that matters today is living our lives for Christ and not ourselves, to live beyond ourselves and live for what is eternal.
So what will people say about you when you are gone?

Hello, I'm A Christian!

 

Being  a Christian does not mean that I am  perfect, it simply means that I have accepted a PERFECT God to save me from myself.
Being a Christian does not mean I follow a set of rules, it means that I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me to make the right choices.
Being a Christian does not mean I am better than anyone, it simply means that I know that its by God's grace I am who I am.
Being a Christian does  not mean I will not go through trials, it means that I will remain joyful through the trials because my hope is in the Creator of the Universe.
Being a Christian does not mean I will not be tempted, it means that I will rely on God to help me through it and not my own strength.
Being a Christian does not mean I will not sin, it means that I will always repent but I will not take God's grace for granted and continue sinning.

Many people confuse religion with Christianity not knowing that religion is us being bound to a set or rules of dos and donts and Christianity is us being in a relationship with Christ Himself. So Christianity is NOT a religion its a relationship. So what does it mean being a Christian?

It means that I choose to die to myself daily and be spirit led, meaning when I find it so hard to forgive, I will forgive anyway because I no longer live by my emotions but by the Spirit, that when I want to lash back because someone is rude to me I will instead be kind to them, that when I am tempted to wish the worst for those who mistreat me, I will instead pray for God to bless them, that when I am tempted to go along my day angry because of the problems I have, I will choose to be a blessing to others. It means that I will always push to not live by my emotions (die to my flesh) but be led by the Spirit.

Gal 5:16: If you are guided by the Spirit you will not obey your selfish desires
Romans 12: 14: Ask God to bless everyone who mistreats you. Ask Him to bless them and not to curse them.
Romans 12: 18: Do your best to live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12: 21; Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good.


It means that the old me is gone and I have been made new, that its no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.  Meaning my life should reflect Christ's life, that I will love relentlessly, that I will be selfless and put others before myself, that I will be a Servant and humble myself and know that this life is not about me but about Christ, that I will accept others as they are and I will not judge them by their  physical appearance but their hearts.it means that I will love the least of them and reach out to the outcasts as Christ did.

Math 20: 28: The Son of Man did not come to be a slave master but a slave who will give His life to rescue many people.
 Romans 6:6: We know that the persons we used to be were nailed to the cross with Jesus. This was done so that our sinful bodies would no longer  be slaves of sin.

It means that I should walk in love, meaning my love should be sincere and true just like Christ's love for us. Meaning that I will choose not to gossip but always speak good of others, that I will not keep a record of wrongs of what others do to me, that I will choose to rejoice with others that when a friend or someone else gets what I wanted that instead of being jealous, I will be happy for them and wait for my time,  It means that I will be patient with others and show them the grace that God has shown me.

1 John 4:8: God is love and anyone who does not love others has never known Him.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7: Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do, love rejoices in truth but not in evil, love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful and trusting. 

It means that I no longer do what the WORLD says but what His WORD says, meaning I no longer do what is popular so I can fit in instead I live in purity in a day and age where sex has been idolized, I choose modesty when the world says "less is sexy", that I choose not to have "fun" in the world's ways instead my joy lies in Christ and doing His work. That I no longer care of other people's opinion of me but God's opinion of me. That I no longer focus on this life but on how I will spend eternity. That I live radically for Christ risking to be laughed at, mocked and considered foolish because I know that in the end the world will pass away but His WORD will remain.

 Ephesians 4:17: As a follower of the Lord, I order you to stop living like stupid, godless people.

Ephesians 4:23-24: Let the Spirit change your way of thinking and make you into a new person. You were created to be like God and so you MUST please Him and be truly holy.

Life lessons 101

Let me open up on what I have been learning for the past three weeks:

Ever had something happen in your life that changes the course of everything, I mean it changes the plans that you had for your future and you are left feeling like you are back to where you started? I have....
I was looking forward for my probation to end because I was so sure that I would be upgraded into a permanent employee, I mean I did the work I was required to do and I even at times went beyond the expectations, everything was going well, I had all these plans of what I would do after I get to be a permanent employee.All these changed when the general manager was in town and he had come to shut down our department because they were downsizing... oh boy! all my plans went down the drain..

Here are some of the things I have learned through this time:

1. God has a unique plan for me: During this time I was tempted to compare my life with my friends,their lives seemed to be getting better while I felt stuck. I would think to myself " if only God gave me the job He gave so and so, I would still be working." I constantly felt inadequate.... Until I started looking 
into God's word about what He says about me as an individual:

Jer 29: 11: I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for

He has great  and mighty plans for ME, He has uniquely shaped my life so that whatever I go through is part of His great plan to get me to where He wants me to be, to gain the qualities that I need to fulfill my destiny. That I do not need to be someone else, I do not have to have what anybody else has but I have EXACTLY what I need to fulfill my destiny on this earth.We may have our plans but God has a BETTER plan for us..

Meaning that at times we will lose that job, that relationship...etc...that God will close that door that we wanted to be opened for longer so that He would open a new chapter in our lives simply because He knew if He asked us to walk away we would not have agreed to.

2. God is ALWAYS there: During this time I was also tempted to think that God had forsaken me, I felt like He had let me down, I felt so alone and I was left to handle all this on my own and plan how I would get myself back up.

Deuteronomy 31:8:It is I the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” 

I had to realize that my feelings do not change what God has promised in His word...when He said He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me...He meant it! and I had to believe it, I had to take hold of that promise and trust that He is working in the background and I just had to wait to see the results.

3. Sometimes you have to encourage yourself: Most of the times when we face difficult situations we usually run to our friends or family so that they would help us handle the situation But I realized that no matter what anyone would tell me to encourage me would not impact me unless I believed it and spoke it myself. The devil is always roaming around looking to steal our peace, joy and hope and one of the ways to fight these negative thoughts that he will throw at us is by speaking God's word out loud, I would always speak out " That God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly , above and beyond all I could ever think or imagine!". Just like Jesus when the devil tempted Him in the wilderness, He spoke out God's word to fight off the devil.
The devil knows that once he makes you doubt who you are in Christ you will never be able to live the kind of life you are meant to. So you will need to really get into God's word during this time and find out what He says about you...and speak it out and believe it.


4. All things work together for good for those who love the Lord: Funny things is the same day we were laid off, I got another job offer but because of what had happened I did not even stop for a second and appreciate that I have just landed another job.
I had to reach a point and believe that God always makes the crooked paths straight, He holds my world in His hands and He will not let go of me and eventually He does restore everything and gives you double for your trouble. He makes all things work together for good. The previous job allowed me to get the experience that I needed to handle the new responsibilities that I have now...


It caught me by surprise but it did not surprise Him, before a heartache touches my life it has to go through His hand and He would have found a way to keep me from the hurt but since He did not it shows He planned for me to go through it. Even if I still do not see the whole picture like He does, I choose to believe Him and trust Him no matter what, I most importantly got to the place where I can confidently say...

" That God has the power to give me anything He wants but I am not here because of the things He can give me but the touch of His love is enough for me because I know how it felt before I accepted Him in my life"


I hope this post will act as encouragement to you, who has lost a job, a loved one, or maybe someone walked away from you, that during this time you will seek God and ask Him to lead you because He will hold your hand through it all and  when no one else understands what you are going through, your Father in Heaven understands... so cast all your cares to Him.

GUEST BLOG POST: Letter to my mother

Finally I got a very good friend of mine to post on the blog, Louisa has a way with words that not many have and it has made her in the recent past win some goodies....which she did not share with me  (sigh) .ooh well just to show that I have forgiven her, I posted this for you guys:

P.S: The picture shows how she was at 6 months..lol...seriously

Mummy,

Hi! How are you doing today? I pray that you are fine!
Mom, I'd like to tell you something, and this may take a while, so seat back, relax and read...
I thought of all the words to describe you but I couldnt actually get any. Neither can I describe the feeling! But we are from way back!!

Oh mom, I can vividly narrate the stories of the day I was born, because you let me know of the tiniest of details. How you were only two women in the ward, anxiously awaiting for their babies on a Sunday morning. How you had even named me months before, and made sure my big brother knew "weeza" was on the way. It tickles me how you laugh when you tell me that I kicked so hard, you even knew and decided I was the final one. Mom, you amaze me!! How you kept that newspaper of the day I was born, to date! I am truly special to you.

You first noticed I was crying more than usual, and as usual mother's instict was right. You rushed me to Gertrudes Hospital as soon as you could. I was only a baby who couldnt speak for myself yet, but you understood my language. I know all this too well because I am constantly in contact with you, catching up on all the days, even those before you knew me. Anyway, the problem was serious, I had to go under the knife, but you were with me all through till I recovered and was back home! Thank you for being there, and for understanding me...

You introduced me to God at a young and tender age. We would always go to church, and I remember racing with my brother towards you after Sunday school, to show you how I'd colored a Bible character. You would always say it was beautiful, I appreciate the encouragement I got from you. Not only would we race for that, we would have olympics daily when you got home from work! Mind you this olympics included the family cats! We would run to hug and welcome you, as well as check the paper bags for any goodies you had brought. And after you had relaxed, you would let me play with your hair as you watched "Neighbours", I would make matutas till they gradually transformed into 'lines' commonly known as cornrows. Thank you for letting me use you for my practice.

How can I forget the days I had a tooth removed!! So dramatic I tell you. Running to the chicken house, dodging all of you! That was funny! But even after the pain (I only cried the first time by the way), I was excited, because I knew a tooth fairy would visit over night! The way you made us believe in a tooth fairy- magical! The next day I'd be feeling like Moi (yes, Moi was the richest man in the world to me that time), having 5 shillings with me. I would even care to smile with the "mapengo", cause I felt like a million bucks, affording one bob lollipops! I had fun! I wish I could still have a tooth removed, and run back to you as my well known fairy!

I remember my first day of school! We were only five, and we would learn in an old car, and how I had cried for you when you left! How I couldnt look back at you leaving, because it was so painful for me to watch my mother leave. I still cant bare watching you leave even for a week, you know me!
Its funny how you say I was a chatterbox! Yet you still say I was very hilarious! How would I have made you laugh if I wasnt talking? We laughed today about how when I was 3, I run screaming "SIMBA", only for people to come out and find a donkey innocently grazing at the compound! Am glad you found me funny. Thank you for sharing laughter with me..

How about the days there was no electricity at night? Those were fun! You would teach us hymns, and we would sing along all night long! Huh! I remember you taught me to have so much faith! Telling us to sing louder to "There is Power" because if we did the lights would be back! My!! We sang and it always worked, even if it was hours later!
The days we would sit at the dining to eat, feels like a century ago. Waah, those were torturous! Especially when we were having chapati! Do you recall how one day I perfectly squeezed a chapati in my fist, and put my hand behind my back? Then I gladly showed you my empty plate, as I sign that I had finished eating! But poor me, my brother decided to snitch and you had to sternly return me back to the table to finish. Am sorry for having played games on you...

Birthdays! Cant forget these, they happen every year! You made these special, you still do...
Mom, you bought us gifts once in a while, we felt loved. The day you bought us bicycles!! That still is in my top 10 countdown of favourite days ever! You surprised us! Nothing as special as a surprise from a loved one. I remember how you all laughed at me when I was heading for the gate at high speed, and shouting "MOM! BRAKES!" I ended up crushing at the gate! Anyway, I bring this up just to remind you that I trusted in you and you were and still are my 911.

Primary school days, oh my, these were epic! I think this was the only time I got a thrashing from you! But I applaud you for the discipline, because it is from it that I am the person I am now. Bringing you homework to sign, and you had to counter check it! While you were checking I would steal glances at the TV and thats when you would hit me with a biro on my head to get my concentration and attention. That would really irritate me by the way, I would sometimes feel like you were against my happiness; but now I can only say I appreciate that- for you taught me to listen.
I remember telling you how other kids in my class commented on how tiny I was and even asked if I was sick. How some would make fun. I still remember the face you made, and how disgusted you were at their remarks especially on the "sick" bit; but as usual you always found a way to make this tiny girl happy! School was school and those were bad days- but we faced them together, thats all that matters. You made me appreciate myself.
I remember how gently you taught me about sexuality, and told me to be careful about every decision I made regarding this. You basically outlined what was right and wrong. Not many people get to talk to their parents about sex, so I take that as a privilege. You handled that well mama...

I cant forget when you had a transfer to Eldama Ravine. I was in class 8, but I would cry when you were leaving. We would escort you to the stage, and I would be sobbing on our way. You would be only gone for a week, but life without you those weeks wouldnt be the same. I would always think of Friday, and wait for you to arrive back home. The weekends were so short then! That was one tough year, but it made me stronger and I learnt to appreciate the time I spend with you much more.
Time passed and I had to leave for high school, I still remember the shopping you did, ok I admit I only remember the chocolate, crisps and juice... my favorite snacks! You always know what's my favourite, thank you for being keen on me. We exchanged lots of letters those four years, making me laugh at how you signed them off- "reporting for... love, Mom". Visiting days were awesome! You always made sure you cooked sumptuous meals, and had my cousins visit as well. I treasure those days, I treasure you.. Talking of cooking, I just have to mention how great a cook you are! Pilau, biriani, mahamri, anything just name it- you have perfected the art of culinary skills! I am more than happy to be your student. I have learned so much from you, and learning never stops you know!

So time flew, and it was time to join campus! The first day of KU, you spent all day with me. I queued up, and let you sit and wait. It took the whole day, but you were patient. I always acknowledge patience as a virtue. I remember calling you crying on September 15th 2010 (am such a cry baby, aint I?), mind you I was in second year, but still when things went wrong I was never afraid to call you and run back to you crying. Then another night I called you again, this time not in tears but in total disappointment. In the middle of the night, was it 2 or 3am? I remember vaguely. Sorry I scared you at that hour, but thank you for not turning me down or getting frustrated with me. You listened and advised accordingly... because to you I am still your child, regardless of my age.

2013 December, when campus "honeymoon" was finally over, you supported me all through! You were proud of me, and I know you still are proud of me. You may not know but I shed a tear when I saw you carrying that pizza and black forest, smiling and writing that card hurriedly; congratulating me on my graduation! I shed a tear because regardless of how grumpy I was that day, you tolerated me and still made me feel special. God knows how that graduation overwhelmed me, and used you to make it a better day!

Mom, I may have fallen at times, but you still have that soft spot for me. I am sorry for times I may have angered you- I didnt mean to and it was never my intention. Forgive me. Am sorry at times I may have disappointed you, but you still stick with me.
I said I had alot to say, oh well, thats what I wanted to say and many more. It was my aim to remind you of all the days, because you have been with me all the days of my life. Thank you for all the virtues you have instilled in me, for I know I am a better woman because of what you have taught me.

Thank you for your undying love, firm discipline, constant support, hearty laughter, pat on the back, chest to cry on and shoulder to lean on. Thank you for always making me laugh, when you break into dance, especially when you do MJ moves! Oh, and when you make the "adam lambert" face, so funny! I will always have precious times with you, by your side, and my prayer is that God will reward you for all you have done, not only for me but also to others you have touched with ripples of your kindness.

I am living a happy life because you are in it! Thank you for accepting who I am, and loving me the way I am. I treasure you Mom and more than anything on/in this world I LOVE you!

Lots of love,
Louisa
(always and forever mummy's girl)

Proverbs 31

GUEST BLOG POST: JOY

This post was written by a close friend of mine, when I read it I got teary-eyed because I was amazed by what God is doing in her life and she can actually say this:

p.s she has a crush on sponge bob

I'd earlier promised to drop a guest post on this blog. But how I forgot and dismissed it I dont know. All I know is that I am ready to write now.
I am writing this at a bank. And guess  what, its "back-to-school" so I have all the time to write...
My ticket says 57 more customers ahead of me, oh boy...
The bank is full, its quite stuffy in here. In the background is a crying baby, and also the full blasts of matatus passing by.
Apparently, the average waiting time for me is one hour, twelve minutes and thirteen seconds. I sit down patiently like the rest waiting for my turn. After all patience is a virtue!

Enough about the bank! Today I woke up feeling great! You know at times you hear the alarm and you want to knock it down, cursing why the night was so short!! But today, I actually had a different feeling all together. Oh, I forgot to let you know that I dont need my alarm to go off to wake up. Anyway, as I was saying, this morning I woke up basking in glory and joy. Regardless of any situation I may be going through, there was a deeper feeling from within. More of overwhelming happiness and radiance, I cant explain it but I knew the day would be great. So let me share with you my joy for the day, by letting you know that in everything you do, allow God to be your priority and all will be well. Spirituality and happiness are things I may find hard to explain, but I know being content with the Lord is definately related to my happiness. And in my state of happiness and comfort, I wont forget to acknowledge the Lord, for it is His doing.

Today, I want to appreciate my great and supporting family, for their undying love and support; and my friends who automatically become my family. Sometimes life gets a little rough, and all we need is a bit of joy in our lives, talking about it too doesnt bring any harm!
This to all the great days ahead of us...

Psalm 118:24  This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

Ladies: Through His eyes

Through the media's eyes we are NOT meant to  be anything above size 6, we are meant to be light skinned (well, until Lupita brought in the new light), tall, our skin is meant to be flawless, our teeth to glitter like we walk around with a mirror in our mouths to reflect the sun,...

We chase down men who we think are the finest things in town, we then sell ourselves short in order to keep him interested, we compromise, we stick to him and label ourselves as "a ride or die chick" even when he is busy lifting every skirt in town, even when he treats you like a doormat and a punching bag.

We are busy trying to emulate the so called IT-GIRLS because  that's what the world calls sexy, so we dress like them and end up looking like we had been running away from a lion trying to reap our clothes off, we end up partying like them and sleeping around with every muscle filled idiot who will tell us that we are hot because we drop it like its hot.

The enemy has us so deceived that we no longer see ourselves through God's eyes...instead we have found our identity from the world which leaves us broken, desperate and lost.

I just want to remind us to look at ourselves through His eyes...because through His eyes you are:

Beautiful....exactly the way you are...you are breathtaking...because He calculated every part of you before He put you together...your eyes, nose, hips, lips, your complexion...He saw you and He was pleased. 

A precious jewel....so you are meant to be  pursued and handled with care...a diamond does not lose its value because the person wanting to buy it cannot afford it...its something priceless that the owner keeps it safe and protected.

You are a daughter of a KING, so you are a princess...anyone who wants to have you must first go through the king..you are precious to Him such that if you let Him keep your heart He will allow the right man to have it at the right time.

Amazing, talented, smart, creative... you can achieve things that are beyond your wildest dreams...

Unique, loved, worth more than what people have labelled you....

Remember ladies....A man loved you so much that He died for you...so stop chasing down someone who does not want you, stop trying to emulate some other chick because the world calls her sexy...just be you.., stop struggling being in unhealthy relationships and let God write your love story....stop getting your identity from the world and get it from Christ....

See yourself THROUGH HIS EYES.

LOVE SUCKS!

" Love sucks!" A statement I have heard more than I have heard the word pizza coming out of the mouth of this generation. I was particularly reminded of this statement when watching one of the famous match making shows in Kenya...when a girl went on and on to explain why love sucks!.
I have to admit I have uttered the same words sometime back....

Let me start with the definitions: (I am just googling at this point)

Love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Suck: to draw (water, moisture, air, etc.) by or as if by suction: Plants suck moisture from the earth. The pump sucked water from the basement.


From that  I can actually say that love seems to remove something from us and leave us empty, dissapointed, desperate, angry, hurt....basically with every feeling that seems to draw the life out of us. Its ironic how a tender, passionate affection for someone can remove the life out of us!

Whats my point? 

I am left to wonder why would God place this thing called LOVE as the one thing that covers over all sins, the one that remains above hope and peace, why would He say that He IS LOVE?

1 Peter 4:8 :Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 John 4:8 : Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Colossians 3:14: And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

I believe the meaning was distorted at one point in time when we as mankind fell...when we decided we knew better and thought it was something we would handle. We got it confused with the gooey feelings, the passion, the rush of blood in our veins....that's why when all these feelings fade away especially in a love affair, one party is dumped and given the common statements "Its not you, its me", " I just don't feel the way I used to" .....

I heard a song that says " Love is not a place where we can come and go as we please, its a home where we are meant to stay, lock ourselves up and throw the keys." So according to this song its not something that should  fade away....meaning..its not a feeling. 

Then what is it?
Beats me! But to be honest I think its a choice that we make everyday to put other people before ourselves, its a decision you make to commit to someone even when the gooey feelings fade away, its a choice we make daily to die to ourselves and to live for a greater good, its a choice that you make that you'd rather die than let your friend die.

John 15:13 : Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

1 John 4:19 : We love because he first loved us.

What makes me think this way?
God is the author of LOVE, He is the one who started it all... by creating us in His image and giving us His identity and calling us His own, He is the one who loves us so much that even in our disobedience He went ahead and gave up his ONE AND ONLY son to die on the cross for our sins when He was blameless!

What makes us think we can master this thing called love if we do not learn about it from the author?, its like a mobile phone trying to become a mobile phone without it being programmed to be one.  What makes us think we are capable of showing true love to someone when we do not allow God to teach us, when we do not spend time reading His word and learning, when we do not talk to Him and let Him direct us?

Am afraid ladies and gentlemen that if we never give God the number one place in our hearts and let Him show us what true love is....then we shall forever remain to say.."Love Sucks!"

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 : If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

MOTHER'S INSTINCTS

Of late I have had this strange ..okay not strange..unusual interest on how mothers interact with their children...I think my maternal instincts just kicked in. I get myself gazing every morning at mothers carrying their kids to school on their backs just to avoid the kid getting mud in this rainy season. My salonist the other  day shared with me how a mother can never tell her child that she does not have when the child asks for something especially food, (as if the son heard he ran into the salon and kept telling the mom " I want cake" after he was given the ten shillings he went like " Is there tea?" the mother just nodded) and yes...that's a mother and her child. She is always prepared, planning ahead for her children, she would rather starve than let her kid go hungry and just recently in the news where a mother died while protecting her baby from gun shots...wow! what kind of love is this!!
I especially love how most  Kenyan mothers discipline their kids...the rod is never spared...we are always making fun at home how our neighbor's kid is always waking up crying because he doesn't want to go to school and the drama that goes on between him and his mother until he finally goes to school...and when he gets back when he is forced to do his homework.
Mothers discipline their kids out of love and no matter how much a child may get their mother mad the mother wouldn't hesitate to give their lives for them.

They are simply God's angels on earth....

Anyway this is not a post for mothers...I will save that for another day but my point is we can compare the relationship between mothers and their kids with us and God. He loves us unconditionally! He corrects us out of love and He is protective over us.

Picture it this way...when a child is crying to have sugar and the mother refuses...the child does not get the reasoning behind it which is the mother is protecting the child from a lot of diseases....the same way...we  at times want something so much in a way when we do not get it we get depressed, we even at times give up at that point we never understand the logic behind it, I mean you prayed for that thing, you worked hard to get it...but we never stop for a second and think at times its usually God protecting us from things we thought we wanted which would have caused us a lot of heartache in the end

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 1: 5: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

Also picture this...a kid is being cautioned by the mum not to touch a burning candle but they go ahead and do it and get burned. The mother's first response is to help the child then scold later or for our Kenyan mothers do both at the same time (I know my mum would). The same way most of the situations we get ourselves into that may cause heartaches or other consequences are usually a result of our disobedience to God's word...but the minute you ask for His help and His leading  He is always ready to help and put together the broken pieces but He will correct you in love.

2 Timothy 3:16:All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

Prov 29:15:The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

The third scenario.... a child needs something to eat or for school or for whatever viable reason and goes to the mother...the mother always does her best according to her ability to provide she would climb the highest mountain to get it..... the same way God tells us ask and you shall receive...seek me and you will find me....knock and the door will be opened to you...most of the time we lack because we do not ask...God unlike mothers can do the impossible for you, so dare to dream big ..dare to ask Him to use you  to do great things on this earth and by faith you will be amazed by what your life will turn out to be.

Last scenario.....the mother who died protecting her child from gun shots....proving a mother's love will make her give her life for her child. A mother protects her child with her life, she will wrestle a tiger if she has to....now imagine what your Father in Heaven would do for you. He gave His ONE AND ONLY son to die on the cross for your sins so would never know how much it cost...He took your place on the cross...how amazing is that???

 

 Romans 5:8:    But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us

John 3:16:For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

God loves you unconditionally! His love is the ONE thing in your life that will never be taken away from you! He wants the best for you...He is NOT mad at you but MAD ABOUT YOU. Go through this day and the rest of your days knowing that.....

BIRTHDAY BLUES

You know how when you are younger you would imagine that by the time you are in your twenties you would have a lot going for you and maybe you will have it all together?
Well..I did I would dream of how I would have my own house, car and I would have bought my mama(I call her mama wanje) a house...

Funny how now.... one of the things I want to achieve before my birthday is to get abs (Don't give me that look,,,I find them hot)..so am working on that as even as I type this my body is sore and am avoiding any jokes today so as to avoid laughing and stretching the upcoming abs..
I asked my mum the other day what she was doing at the age I am almost turning (don't worry I will reveal it in the end) and she told me she was  married and expecting my big brother...alas!! Considering I am writing letters to my unknown future husband ( HERE)  shows that I have no prospects at the moment and hence no upcoming mini me...
I still do not know how to swim...but I can bath myself so I believe I have come a long way..
I no longer cry and call mama wanje when someone steps on my toes...okay maybe I still do but now its me telling mama how my day was and it does not involve her scolding the person who hurt me but then again what am I saying! She still does that...(so Ignore this paragraph)
I still laugh at people who fall down dramatically...in my defense..I giggle...kinda...
I still love the outdoors but at least now I do not go back home with dirty clothes and looking guilty...wait..I do when I hike and get home late after forgetting to buy something I was sent...(ignore this paragraph too)
I still pick on my brother and then get mad at him when he gets back at me...I used to pick on him and he would hit me and I would cry all day till mama wanje gets back home then he would get thrashed!...Waah! at this rate am doubting if I have really grown up..hahaha! (OUCH!)
I do not own a car yet, I still live with mama wanje and as far as buying her a house...its still a future plan...
Come to think of it..I do not think I have changed that much (I don't know if that is a good thing or not)

But for the 23 years I have lived one thing is evident...

God's grace in my life...He has remained faithful when I rebelled against Him....He has shown me favor over and over again...He has opened doors for me that I had never thought of....He has blessed my family abundantly....He has given me amazing friends....He has restored my health over and over again...Most importantly... He saved me and He called me His own...He chose me and set me aside...He called me by my name and rescued me from death and substituted me with His son Jesus Christ on the cross so that I wouldn't know how much it cost....and yet again He loves me UNCONDITIONALLY!  even when I fail time and time again.
In short I have seen God as My healer, My friend, My comfort, My defender, My strength, My Father and My savior for the 23 years I have lived and I thank Him that I am about to see another great year and its a great comfort to know the Maker of the universe has my world in His hands...so even though I have not yet accomplished my goals I can find rest in the fact that He said:

Deut 31:8:

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Jeremiah 29:11:For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

P.S I am turning 24 on 5th March

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND

I thought I was good at letter writing until, I sat down and tried to write this to you. Maybe I have met you, Maybe we pass by each other everyday, Maybe you don't even know that I exist, Maybe you will read this, Maybe I will be the one to show you a letter a wrote to you before I met you.

You might be in Timbuktu  volunteering in a medical camp or spreading the gospel...I hope both. You may be in the city running to close a deal, or you may be down on your knees praying, you may be in the gym (smh) or nibbling on some chicken wings.

Whatever you are doing or where you are I would like to say this to you:

I haven't figured out every detail of our wedding (contrary to what people say about girls) BUT I have one thing figured out....fried chicken will be part of the menu....it just has to be!

I am very forgetful (I know you will figure this out earlier when I will forget to pick up something you wanted...so I apologize in advance) BUT you do not have to worry about me forgetting my vows...

I can get a bit crazy sometimes and just decide to break dance in the streets...so maybe you will be marrying a Psycho...I am kidding...maybe...perhaps...

My idea of a romantic getaway is being in the wild, where  its just you, me and nature and we can recreate the garden of Eden, without the snake and the leaves Adam and Eve used to cover themselves up with (If you know what I mean).

I hope you have a big appetite because I am currently taking home culinary classes from your future mother-in-law, and I am working on creating the "ENID sandwich" which am hoping will be a hit and I will come up with a better name for it...hey! maybe you will help me come up with the name , so now you already have an idea of what kind of snack will be packed for you.

So a lot of guys have already misspelled my name: I have been called Edin, Enith, Elid, Emid...waaah! If I had a dollar for every one of them you'd be marrying Oprah. So am hoping you get it right the first time I tell you or you already did... and they have used all kind of pick up lines the best one being " Hey Enid, what do you need?...me?"..So hope you will make me laugh the first time you say hi, say something cheesy or simply say Hi....but be creative, try get a smile from me.

I cannot take a picture doing the duck face...I do not know how this piece of information may be of importance to you, but just thought of putting it out there.

I still love cartoons, so I hope you are a bit goofy..and we can act like kids when around each other and just laugh...

I cry when watching romantic comedies, no matter how many times I watch them...but I will always pretend am yawning then rub my eyes...so feel free to let me lie on your chest when watching them and let me "yawn"

I LOVE my family...they mean the world to me...and am sure you will fit right in!!.

Most importantly...

I believe God is preparing me for you, as He is leading and guiding me to resemble Him...because in Him I have come to know what true love means...and am learning to resemble the Proverbs 31 woman. Who will make you and our kids look forward to coming home everyday because I will make our house a home. I will defend our kids with my life..and praying that God shows me how to submit to you as you submit to Him and be your helper.

I will always cover our home with prayers, I will always strive to be your biggest fan and correct you in a gentle way, I will let you lead our home because I know that you will be leading us with the wisdom from above, I will be open to try new things with you, I will keep my body in check so that we will be able to do the morning jog together when we are 60(among other things *wink). We will fight, make up, laugh, cry, get weary but may we always put God at the center of our marriage. You will not have to worry about me cheating because for you I have waited.....

Love,

Future wifey.