Relationships 101: It is possible to wait

After I wrote the post on why I am waiting to kiss my fiance on the wedding day, it made rounds on social media and a friend of mine shared with me a screen shot from one of the groups it was shared in. The caption on it was "do people do this?" And there were several other comments that followed people asking what if I get disappointed etc... It was hilarious to me because I understood where they were coming from because I used to ask such questions a while back.

God put it in my heart to share our journey so far and how we have managed to still stick to that boundary so far...(A few more days to go...lol). So what has worked for us?

1. Boundaries

From the beginning of our relationship, we established a few boundaries that we felt would enable us to wait till marriage to have sex. For us, the first three boundaries that we set were; kissing was off the table (I wrote about the why's on that post) , no front hugs this meant we would give each other side hugs and we would not be at any one time alone behind closed doors, this meant that we would not visit each other when unaccompanied, so most of our hang outs are always outdoors...you will find us going out for picnics, cycling and hiking...oh! and going to restaurants with very bright lighting..lol.
It was easy to keep these boundaries in our first year of courtship, but when we got to the second year (I think when we grew in love), we soon found out that it was hard to keep our hands off each other and this led to us adding more boundaries in our basket. A few of what we added were; he would not touch my thigh, we would stop calling each other late in the night and we put a curfew where our dates end before 8:30pm.

Lesson: Get to understand your triggers as individuals and situations that would make you two vulnerable then set boundaries around that.

2. Accountability 
The first part of this is, we keep each other accountable, we have this habit of asking each other how it is going so far and remind each other why we are doing this.
The second part is, I  have four ladies who keep me accountable. They are the ones who will tell me to let go of stupid ideas such as inviting Grey over when am alone, to avoid holding on to his arm too tight....or tell me when my dress is too tight or too short...etc...they are the ones I ask to pray for us when I see that we are about to fall. Oh these sisters are fierce! And I have got mad at them a few times.

3. The Grace of God
Having boundaries and accountability is not enough, the one thing that has kept us this far is God's grace.
There was a time we found ourselves alone for about 1 hour  at my home (unplanned, its a long story) but funny thing is that the night before, God showed Grey in a dream that we would end up alone in the house and he had to pray about it when he woke up and God kept us and nothing happened.
Only by His grace have we been able to abstain this far.....to be honest there are days we wish we were not waiting but His grace is always sufficient for us.....
 
Something to note:
Thing is, we both decided that we would wait until marriage and not kiss the person we would date even before we ever met.... And the decision to wait is not because of each other but because of our relationship with God. There is no way you will say you are in a relationship with Jesus and not desire to live like He commands and He says if you love Him you will obey His commands. So whatever holds us to this decision is bigger than us and that is the only way we have been able to wait.

Which role has he played?

Let me use an example; there was a time he was pushed by our friends to help me learn how to swim which would mean us getting close to each other and he walked away from the pool.
This was significant to me because he purposefully aims for us to walk in purity and removes himself from situations where it would be compromised

My role?

As much as I always want to look good for him, I aim not to make him stumble by avoiding to wear anything that would tempt him.

Our role together?

We continuously pray for each other that we may be able to walk in purity with our minds, words and actions. We both understand that we are just human and we may fall but if we have Jesus covering us, we will be fine.

I write this with the aim of encouraging those courting and those hoping to court one day that it is possible for two young people who are madly in love with each other to wait until marriage, do not believe in the lies of the world that it is impossible or you have already messed up or you have to prove sexual compatibility before you marry someone. God will make it possible for you, seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things will be added unto you.

With love,

Enid

How far is too far?: Relationships 101

"How far is too far?" ....this is the most common question asked in every relationship seminar held for young people......Usually we ask this so that we can find out just how much we can be physically involved with someone we are dating before it is categorized as sin.....
Other questions that follow are is it okay to kiss? to cuddle? etc....

It is like walking closer to the edge of a cliff and keep asking someone am I almost falling?(seems like your aim is to fall, because why are you doing that?) kinda dumb isn't it?  Because every step you take towards the edge of the cliff increases your chances of falling off the cliff....

So if you are asking this question...I would urge you to stop just where you are and consider these things.....

1. God has not called us to be virgins but to be sexually pure

 I have met christian men  who tell me that they make out, shower and do all sorts of things with their girlfriends but they do not have sexual intercourse with them because they are saving that for their wives.....this is like telling me that you take a slice of bread and butter it and lick it and return it in it's pack for someone else to eat...(okay maybe not the best comparison, but you get what I mean)

Virginity is part of being sexually pure, but you can be a virgin and not be sexually pure...what am I getting at? Sexual purity is so much more than remaining a virgin physically. Purity means freedom from contamination, from any thing that would spoil the taste of pleasure, reduce power or in any way adulterate what the thing was meant to be. It means cleanness, clearness-no additives, nothing artificial in other words 'all natural' in the sense in which the original designer designed it to be.(definition borrowed from Elisabeth Elliot)

So can I say then that what we do (the making out, cuddling, petting, oral sex, etc) is sin? Or can I say that it might take the edge off, spoil the taste of pleasure later on, it might distract the heart?
Jesus commended the Pharisees for teaching the doctrines but they exemplified little of what they taught. It is always the heart's direction that matters....God is always concerned about your heart,....so why are you doing all that you do? Is it to remain sexually pure or is it to remain a virgin? or is it to try balancing your desires with that of God by justifying it by saying..'we did not go the whole way'.....

2. You will fall off the cliff soon

As humans we tend to get bored with routine, doing the same thing over and over again leaves us with the urge of taking it a notch higher or doing the 'thing' differently in order to get the excitement of doing it back.So how long do you think you can last before you two decide to increase the pleasure and the excitement? How long do you think it will take before you start looking for excuses to fall down the cliff? This is where you will get yourselves trying to justify it by saying...'After all we will get married eventually', or 'we have already got this far'.....etc....




3. If you are ashamed of what you are doing then stop

Because you are already asking how far you can go, probably it is because you already know you want or you are already doing something that you cannot tell your pastor about....
Every time you do anything that leaves you feeling ashamed is a sign you should stop.....run back far away from the cliff and stay there......


Why do we get ourselves asking this question as Christians? Number one reason is because our hearts are not right with God, because once you understand that God has called you to be Holy just like He is.....it should push you to a higher level and to higher standards..where you are not trying to test and see how far you can go before you sin but where you run far away from what may lead you to sin....because you get to understand that as a Christian, your standards have been set much much much higher than that of the world because you are a reflection of Christ on earth....

Meaning even in our relationships we are called to set the bar so high so that we may be able to walk in purity, thing is you can pray not to fall into sin and even bind spirits but if you two do not put boundaries that will help you walk in purity you are bound to fall....

Wouldn't that relationship be boring? what then will distinguish you two as boyfriend and girlfriend and not just friends? 
 There are a lot of fun things you can do together that will enable you to bond in a way that all the other ways cannot. Thing is you can make out with anyone, you can do all those things with anyone but if you are looking to marry someone you may want to find out how the person behaves around their friends? family? how they handle finances? how many kids they want? etc so many things that are not determined by whether you get physical or not....

ASK and you shall be answered....ask God to guide you two in the relationship and if truly you two desire to walk in purity, He will honor that and keep you two....if you two are heading closer to the cliff...stop and re-evaluate your relationship and see if you are honoring God in it maybe it is time to put new boundaries in the relationship.....if you two have already fallen off the cliff and desire to walk in purity....ask for forgiveness and put boundaries in the relationship and get people who will keep you two accountable...if you are the only one in the relationship trying not to get to the edge of the cliff and the other party is pushing you? Walk away, as hard as it may be...you have to choose them or honoring God.....

TAMING THE TONGUE

Before I talk about ways in which we can tame our tongues its good to mention a few ways in which it gets out of control.....you cannot come up with a remedy without first understanding the problem, right? 

Problem #1 : Curse words/Vulgar language

We have diluted the use of the curse words by either abbreviating them or by incorporating them into jokes then at the end we say "pardon my french"....so does this make it okay to use them? Indulge me for a second (please sit down)

Synonyms of Vulgar language: (courtesy of thesaurus.com)

• Dirty word 
• Filthy language
• Obscenity
• Foul language
• Cursing
• Profanity

Ephesians 5:4: Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.

Colosians 3:8: But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

We are warned against using such words, we are not given options that it is okay to use them when ....but we are told we MUST put them away, there should be NO filthiness in our talk. Note the words MUST and NO...they do not give a leeway for us to give options or alternatives.... 

 Abbreviating them or inserting them into jokes does not make them lose meaning, they remain curse words.

Problem #2: Swearing

There is a trend of people saying..."I swear this...I swear that" mostly used to show our degree of certainty of whatever we are saying is true or for us to promise someone we will keep our end of the deal...

Matthew 5:33-37:“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

James 5:12: But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

It is enough to say yes or no.....let someone take you at your word, if they do not then there are some trust issues probably...but do not sin so that you can get them to believe you...

Problem #3:Calling the name of the Lord in vain

It is equal to mean calling His name for no purpose, you know the OMGs (again abbreviating it),   we throw around.....we tend to use His name in insignificant ways making Him look less that who He is....(calling His name in vain means a lot more than saying"Oh my God!") but I will focus on this today...because....

This usually shows the condition of our hearts, like how much do we revere Him? How much does He mean to us? Do we not understand that He is GOD, the maker of the Universe, the beginning and the end? the one who will stand before to give an account of our lives? 

Problem #4 : Speaking negative words to yourself

Proverbs 18:21: The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love to talk will have to eat their own words.

This means that the words we speak are alive, so when we speak negative words about ourselves they are alive until we counteract them with positive words. You will eat the fruit of every word you speak about yourself if you call yourself a fool that is exactly who you will turn out to be. Learn to talk positively about yourself and trust me you will see life getting better.

Problem #5 Not knowing when to keep quite

i. Stay silent when you are angry

It is always best to hold your tongue because most likely you will not speak pleasant words. You will only stir up trouble. It is normal to get angry but do not let your anger cause you to sin, sit back relax then speak when you are sober minded to avoid trying to take back words spoken out of anger.

Ephesians 4:26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger.

ii. Do not gossip

When someone confides in you about their lives, tame your tongue to not share with others what was shared in confidentiality. You will be labelled a blabber...and no one wants to hang out with one..

Proverbs 20:19: Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

Lastly, always keep quite when you are tempted to say anything that will hurt or discourage anyone, remember you cannot take back your words nor the feelings created by them.

Solution #1: Hope in Jesus

James 3:4-8:  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

We are warned that our tongue as small as it is can cause us to end up in hell, that it is restless and full of deadly poison and then again we are told that no human being can tame it.....so is there any hope for us?

Yes, the hope is Jesus, because what is impossible with man is possible with Him. By accepting Him into your life, He will direct you on how to tame your tongue; to know the right words to use, to know when to speak and when to keep quite, to be able to use your words to encourage and praise and not to destroy. 

It is only through having life in Christ are we able to change our hearts because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, it all begins with a change in our hearts something only Christ can do, we may try  to do it ourselves but we will fail because their only much we can do and our will is never enough. Through HIM we can do all things...in this case...tame our tongue....

CHRISTIAN MEN ARE THE WORST!

"Christian men are the worst!"....is a statement I have heard so many times from ladies who have dated these men....

I always interrogate further to find out why they came up with that conclusion and all the answers I get can be summed up into one....'they are pretenders'.....

So is this true?...Lets find out.....

Ladies, a man will tell you he is saved/ he loves Jesus...but I advice that you do not take him at his word, so I will give you 5 key things you should consider as RED FLAGS when you see them in a man who claims to be saved  and run!


1. He is trying to sleep with you

I put this as number one because it is one of the common answers I have heard from ladies. So you meet this good looking guy in church/you serve in the same ministry/ he told you he is saved and you hit it off then when you tell him that you want to wait till marriage he says he has a problem with that and he cannot wait that long or he is always trying to get you two to 'chill' at his place to have some 'alone' time with you....RUN!

Why? A man who is truly in love with Jesus values purity, it will not be an issue for him to wait till marriage, he will not try to make you stumble. He will protect your purity because he knows that this is what God requires of him. So if he is truly saved like he says he is he will not try to sleep with you.....


2. His type of entertainment

I have met several men who have claimed to be saved but when you listen to the type of music they listen to or the movies they watch something just never adds up. What do I mean? If the man listens to music that demeans women or music that does not reflect his Christianity, that is a red flag! Why?

Ever heard of garbage in garbage out? if he has no problem listening to music that demeans women etc then why do you think his mind or actions will be any different? Or the movies he watches, they tell a lot about where his heart is.If his heart is in Christ, honey, there are things he will not tolerate.

Even yourself, if you are saved you know there is some music/movies you will not entertain so why else would he if he if truly saved?  so RUN!

3. He over-uses 'christian lingo'

You know the type of brothers who are always like...'hey sister mary'...or they ask you out on a date and all they are quoting is scripture....do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with scripture and am not saying scriptures should not be mentioned when out on a date but try and get to know the other person through a normal conversation...

So why is this a problem? Allow me to use this example; you see how men who try to be women behave? They always exaggerate how women behave..why? Because they are working extra hard to hide the fact that they physically look and sound like men...so it is all a distraction to prevent you from seeing them for who they are... exactly the same thing when you meet a brother who goes way overboard with 'christian lingo' RUN! He is hiding behind it....


4. The friends he keeps

There are these group of men who you will always hear say that.....'my friends are the ones who make me to go out clubbing or drinking'....they will always use this as an excuse when you ask them why they say they are saved yet go out clubbing.....truth is, that is the true him and he pretends when around you....so what do you do? RUN!

A godly man surrounds himself with men who will hold him accountable, men who he shares the same faith with and who he looks up to....show me your friends and I will show you who you are....(ring a bell?)

5. He says he is saved but does not go to church

The brothers who say that they love God but they do not go to church because they believe that salvation is a personal thing or because they do not trust pastors...yaaaaawn!

Christians are encouraged to always have the habit of meeting and even so Christians are called the church of Christ for a reason, because it is a group of people who come together to fellowship with each other, keep each other accountable and do God's work.
A true believer is a member of a church, yes...they are....
So RUN!

2 Corinthians 11:14: and no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light


So many women are falling into the hands of such men and end up hurt and broken and we start claiming that 'its better the devil you know than the angel you don;t know".... truth is you just fell for someone who masqueraded as someone he is not...because you missed the red flags....

So, dear ladies do not be deceived that Christian men are the worst, they are the best! A man who is truly under the submission of Christ will understand how to love you like Christ commanded and when you submit to him you will be submitting to Christ. (PS. He will NOT be perfect)
Truth is, men will claim that they are saved because that is the kind of guy you want so that they can get you. Be alert! Find out for yourself if what he says is true....

BURSTING SEX MYTHS

Let's get to it shall we?

Myth 1: God does NOT want us to have sex

When the church tells people to wait until marriage to have sex, many people conclude that God is against us having sex...

Let me take you back to when God created man and woman and placed them in the garden of Eden and told them to fill the earth...we all know where babies come from..right?( to be clear they are not bought from the supermarket, they are as a result of a man and woman having sex) so who created this good thing called sex? you guessed right...God!

So does He want us to have sex? YES!! ...hold up before you go celebrating....He does but in the context of marriage and even that, He calls us to be faithful to our spouse.....

Sex is encouraged in the context of marriage in the bible:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5: The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Truth: God wants us to have sex in marriage and remain faithful to our spouse.

Myth 2:. Its JUST sex

This is a phrase that many of us use so that we remove the seriousness of sex and make it casual. We reduce it to something like shaking hands. So why is this a myth??

I am reminded of the story of Jacob, how he worked for 7 years to get Rachael and instead he was given Leah and he laid with her. Now because he laid with her it meant that they were now one/married and he had to stay with her and work for 7 more years to get the woman he wanted.

1 Corinthians 6:16: Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."

So sex  is not just sex, it is something that binds two souls together, it makes you one with the other person. It goes beyond the physical, so the more people you have sex with the more souls your soul is tied to......ever wonder why you will never forget the sexual encounters you have had? or how you seem to never get over that ex? or how you keep going back to have sex with that person even after breaking up? It is NOT because you love them, its because your soul is tied to them and until you break those soul ties through prayer and naming each of them, you will always long to go back...(story for another day)

Truth: It is NOT JUST sex, it is the uniting of two souls

Myth 3: Sexual compatibility is priority when looking for a spouse

 I have never understood what people mean by sexual compatibility, to me if one is a male and the other female....that is compatibility.....anyway I bet what we mean when we say that is....you have to find out if the person you are dating/ considering to date can satisfy you sexually before you settle for them.....

Why is this a myth? The minute you get to have sex with someone before marriage, this becomes your foundation meaning...you will never be able to connect with this person way beyond the physical...because you are already 'blinded' by the 'great' sex you are having so you will never get to see the other person for who they are....so what happens if you two get married? and the amount of sex you two have reduces? Your interest diminishes too because whatever kept you together is no longer there and everyone starts looking for satisfaction outside the marriage.....

Truth: Sex is not a testing kit for getting the right spouse.

Myth 4: Safe sex is using protection

Statistics show that people are more afraid of getting pregnant than getting STDs.....and just to add to this is.....we are afraid of pregnancy and STDs more than we are afraid of disobeying God.......

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 :Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

It is the ONLY sin that you do not only sin against God but your own body (pause for a moment and think about this) like it has double consequences.....

Truth: Safe sex is ONLY in marriage with your spouse.

Myth 5: God gave me sexual urges so I must act on them when I want to

If I had a dollar for every time I have heard people say this....and even myself in the past I would be...,mmmmh I would probably be writing this from my own private jet...

Its true that God has given us the sexual urges, BUT He calls for the Unmarried to be self-controlled and wait for the right time and the married to have self control and  only have sex with their spouse.

To the married couples: 

Hebrews 13:4: Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

To everyone:

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5:For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God

Myth 6: Masturbation is a lesser evil than fornication(sex before marriage), adultery and Homosexuality

I have come across a lot of movies, articles and TV shows that encourage people to masturbate especially the men, that it will prevent prostrate cancer and the likes.....and the movies that promote that is a normal thing in such that in one movie I saw a parent walk in and found the son masturbating and actually said it is okay and gave him advice on doing it better...Okay, I did not continue watching the movie after that...

If it such an OK thing to do why do people shy from talking about it...why is it always fueled by pornography? why is it always a struggle for anyone involved to get out of it?

Anything that is from the devil always enslaves us....and that is why we are told that the TRUTH(Jesus) will set us free......

Truth: Masturbation is sexual sin

There are so many more, kindly share on the comments......

Truth is, God is calling for a generation of young people to rise up who will walk in purity and stand for it no matter what the media will promote and even when ridiculed.

Truth is when God tells us to wait until marriage to have sex and to be faithful to our spouses is NOT because He wants to limit our pleasure but to protect our destiny:

Examples:

Esther remaining a virgin ensured that she was among the virgins picked as potential queens and she became queen and God used her to save her people...

When Joseph fled from Portiphar's  wife and refusing to have sex with her, made Him become the governor and also God used Him to save His people...if He slept with her, he would definitely not have earned favor with the God and ending up in prison because Potiphar's wife was angry that he refused to sleep with her turned out to be exactly what was needed for him to become governor.....

Samson, because of lacking self control and becoming unequally yoked with a woman who he was not meant to be with, lost his strength and his purpose which was to rule over the people who enslaved him was not accomplished...even though God still used Him...

So be careful and alert that you do not fulfill your destiny because you were unable to control your sexual urges.....and truth is:

1 Corinthians 10:13:No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

GRENID: LESSON ON PATIENCE

We always have a date day on Friday evening with my fiance, so you can imagine how full of life I usually am on Fridays and of course I make sure I finish all pending work assignments on time so I leave the office at exactly 4:30 pm....so this day  was no different.

I left on time and passed by his work place at 5:00 pm sharp and I imagined how I would get there with him having a big smile, I would be blushing and we would hug and catch up a bit and walk out of the office with hands interlocked, all happy and stealing glances of each other as we walked to our date spot. aaaawwww.....but when I got there(add sound effects)....he had a visitor in the office and I said hi and waited for them to finish, I sat outside his office returning calls that I had missed that day and 10 minutes passed and they were not done....so I logged into Facebook, and killed another 10 minutes and they were still not done, .. I logged into Instagram and safaricom were kind enough to notify me that I am running out of bundles after 2.5 minutes..sigh...so I started checking my whatsapp messages and even read the long group messages that I avoid......yaaaaawwwwn...I looked at my watch and it was 5:45pm....

I started getting frustrated at this point  and  I texted him ;.."yawa! You are not done?" He replied 1.567 minutes later( Yes I was counting ) that he is done and to my relief the door opened and I faked a smile for the visitor as they said goodbye.....

Remember how I imagined us hugging and catching up and me blushing? Lol this is what went down.....
He walked out of the office looking exhausted and  I immediately asked him..."Now why did you keep me this long? I should have waited in town for you" He went on to apologize, my response was..Ok...

He locked up the office and we walked down to the main entrance to leave the Cathedral and as we walk down two teenagers call him and he excuses himself to go greet them. So I stood there waiting for him....4.25 minutes later he was still not done....

At this point I was outright mad and walked away,thinking "This guy, nkt! He does not even value our time together...and he does not value my time...it is already 6:00pm and I got here at 5:00 pm what is wrong with him?" I walked quite a distance then I saw him  running after me and  caught up with me..then I increased my pace..lol.......
So when he caught up with me..this is what went down..

Grey: Why aren't you picking my phonecalls?
Me: (I honestly did not hear it ring...but instead of saying this I go ahead and say...)..Oh you called?
Grey: What is wrong? I even thought you decided to go home
Me: (The thought crossed my mind but thought that would be cruel) My answer: Yes I want to go home
Grey: What is wrong? (as we cross the road)
Me: Nothing!
Grey: Clearly there is something wrong...
Me: I said nothing!

So we went into the supermarket, and he had to leave his bag at the luggage place so instead of waiting for him, I get into the supermarket at the speed of 20km/hr...., I was so mad, I forgot what I was coming for so we walked through the supermarket for like 5 minutes.before I remembered....lol and after paying for my goods we walk out and head out to our date spot...

We got to the spot and the waitress comes over....(am still mad by the way) I gave her  the biggest smile ever and we ordered then immediately she left I went back to my 'angry face'. Our order was served and the first 10 minutes of that date was him asking me what is wrong and me telling him...Nothing!!

That night, God convicted me and showed me to myself.....He showed me, how impatient I am....and because I was so angry I failed to see that Grey already had a long day and the last thing he needed was me acting up, he was counselling the guest on some heavy stuff and...the teenagers  had an appointment with him which he cancelled because of our date......
I was also reminded of the countless times Grey had to wait for me when I am late( usually I never have any solid reasons) and he always does this with so much patience and never complains...I was humbled and I ended up apologizing to him that night.....

......so the next time I had to wait for him I went out to eat biscuits and enjoy the sun and patiently waited and fought through my emotions...

Point is, God taught me how to be patient and considerate with Grey, and He still is teaching me.....I must say that with every disagreement we have, my character gets  refined....and this is just courtship..I just wonder how much more marriage will teach me....oh boy!

Love is patient........

My Story: Going back to my first love.

August is mission month at my church and this time it was dubbed as #tellmeyourstory.....and so I was picked to share my story based on three questions; How my life was before I met Christ, How I met Christ and How my life is now that I have Christ.
At first, I wanted to say no because I didn't 'feel' ready then that week I heard people over and over again say that we should never be afraid to share our story...and I accepted but it freaked me out that I was to share it in front of the whole church and I prayed about it and then I was rescheduled and given an option to do it on camera and I immediately accepted and thought.....'easy peasy..lemon squeezy'.....so the day came and I shared my story, well the short summarized censored version and when I finished the camera guy told me..I still do not know Enid.....and long story short when I did the second take....tears flowed!.....It reminded me where Christ took me from and well I thought it was about time to share it here as well.......

How my life was before I met Christ

I used to find  my identity in relationships, I would jump from one relationship to another, I always felt like I was not okay if I was not in one. I will fast forward to when I was 23 years and I had already slept with 3 guys and made out with I guess 10 and now I was in another relationship where we were having sex. I never missed going to church every Sunday and I would always wear a dress, physically I was present in church but my mind was on the 'escapades' I had the previous night.......so it never really mattered what the preacher would say...The guilt was there when I would sleep with my then boyfriend but over time it went away and it was normal to me until we would share tips among my friends.....up until....

How I met Christ

.....A friend of mine shared with me  this post by Heather Lindsey (THIS) and I related so much to it and at the end she asked God for a man who would wait to kiss her on their wedding day.....and I remember telling God that if such guys exist and they are attractive I will leave the guy I am with....
for me even before I met Christ, I always knew that the man I will marry will be someone who we would have waited till marriage so I knew my then boyfriend was not it but I still did not want to let go of the relationship...after reading the post I could not shake off the guilt I felt every time I was in bed with the guy....I always felt like I chose this guy over God because I would rather sin against God than leave the relationship. So one day, I knew what I had to do and texted that friend of mine and she replied "Its either you break it off or stay in it, simple, choice is yours" and I left home and went to see him and broke it off, I cried the whole time but at the end of that day I knew my life had changed forever...the peace I felt...unexplainable!

My life with Christ

After I broke it off, I repented and told God I wanted to start over, the first lesson I learned was, this salvation thing is God...I cannot do it on my own..how did I learn this? I had told God to save me but I told Him that I would handle the break up and I decided to fast on that day, that same day, I ended up in bed with the same guy and I was so broken but realized that I cannot do it on my own strength that surrendering to God meant I let Him handle it all!

I then decided to take a year off the dating scene so that God would work on my heart something that I had never done, the longest I had stayed without being in a relationship was a week...
It was a lonely time, considering I had just cleared University and I had no job, so I was at home alone everyday just me and God and it is one of the best seasons of my life! I would not trade it for anything because this is when God showed me that my identity is found in Him and only a relationship with Him can complete me.....

So exactly one year later in July 2014, a friend of mine started taking me out on dates and we became close. In August 2014, he asked me to be his girlfriend and two days later we sat down to talk about boundaries and he goes ahead and tells me "As much as I would like to kiss you, I will wait until I marry you" ....and this blew me away! as I remembered the prayer I made to God a year back. (I talked about this HERE)

So my story in a nutshell?...

I was a girl who thought love was found in relationships and sex until I met Christ and I knew what true love meant. It is not an easy journey, but one thing I know is that following Christ MUST cost you something, for me I had to walk out of a relationship and go against my feelings because the call to obedience is greater than me.

I believe God will change a whole generation (starting with my kids) because of the decision I made on that day to follow Him, I have been laughed at and the devil filled my head with all kinds of lies that...I was too messed up for God to want me, that I would never meet a man who loves God like that...etc.... but I learned that I can never out-sin God's grace and God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond what you could ever think of or imagine.....as long as you allow Him to...

So friends, no matter what journey you have walked that has made you believe that God will not forgive you and you cannot start over...its a lie! He is a God full of grace and love for us...what is impossible with man is possible with Him but remember it HAS to cost you something.

God looked at me in my mess, my hurt and in my confusion and said 'I want her' and He pursued me relentlessly! and that is how I met Christ.

YOU HAVE TO MEET MY FIRST LOVE

He saw me from a distance and.... saw through my scars, my flaws, my mistakes and called me gorgeous!..He decided to pursue me.....I was stubborn and I just could not believe the kind of love He offers is real....I thought why would He come after me?
He kept coming and telling me that He would love me beyond time....that He would be my strong tower and my rock..that with Him I would not have to fear because no one can come against Him....He promised to protect me and provide for me....
He promised me that if I would accept His love...I would be free from the shame...the guilt ...the heartache...
He promised that He would always be by my side...that He will never let me go through anything alone...
He promised that with Him my heart is safe...because in Him I would live, move and have my being.....
He told me that He will love me without conditions!

Despite all these, I resisted and I just could not wrap my head around the idea of letting go of what I thought was love....
He sent people to tell me how much He loves me.....but I just couldn't believe it.....why?
Because in my eyes...I was unlovable......
In my eyes...I was a mess...
In my eyes..I did not deserve to be given that kind of love.....
In my eyes I was not worthy to be called HIS.....

He kept on coming every day....reminding me that if I was HIS...I would be free....I would be free to enjoy life....I would be free of worry...I would be free of pain...because in the end He would get me to be with Him forever....

I asked Him why didn't He want another? and He said that it has always been me and it will always be me....because He loved me even before the existence of time and He will love me to infinity.......

My heart started softening and I decided to give Him a chance.......
Immediately, I felt lighter...I felt like a huge burden had been removed off my shoulder...
I felt free...all of the shame and guilt I felt...was all gone...
After some time....I no longer craved for people's approval instead I started wanting to please Him and only Him...He started becoming the center of my world and He ROCKED IT!...He became my best friend...He became my adviser when I was in a dilemma...He became the first person I talk to when I wake up.....

Truth is....I thought I had loved before...I thought that the first guy I dated was my first love....until I met Him...the one who loved me even before I came to existence....the one who decided 2000 years ago that He would rather die than live without me....the one who knows every detail about me and who anticipates my needs......the one who provides and protects me fiercely!
The one who works out everything for my good.....the one who has never and will never leave my side even when everyone else does.....the one who would not let me make mistakes and not correct me...

MY FIRST LOVE......WAS...IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE........because He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.....everything finds life in Him, He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.....He is the Maker of the Universe...He is supreme, Almighty, He is Indescribable, He is ALL-Powerful, He is LOVE.
Because He first loved me......He will always be my first Love and I pray you allow yourself to experience this kind of love....
He will make you feel priceless..because He already paid the price for you!

Why is God not listening to your prayer?

God's love is unconditional because He loved us when we were still sinners.....we cannot force it to apply to Him listening to our prayers.....He does not always listen to our prayers...there are conditions to it....

1. Isaiah 58:4: Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists.You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.

These people expected God to hear their prayers because they were praying and fasting. The chapter goes on and on giving reasons why God will not listen to them and giving the conditions in which He will listen to them. 

You cannot disobey His commands and expect the show you put up for others to move Him.....just because you prayer the loudest...fast the longest....raise your hands in worship....do  not think all that will move Him...only until you understand His good and perfect will, then you will know what is pleasing to Him and this requires Him transforming your mind.....

2. James 4:3: When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Why are you asking God for what you are asking Him? So that people may praise you? so that you can revenge? so that you can prove a point to someone? If your intention is not right then am sorry...God will not listen to what you are telling Him....check your heart....and align your desires to His desires....

3.1 Peter 3: 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

We see another condition that God gives to husbands, they are urged to treat their wives well so that their prayers are not hindered. So to the married guys, God will not listen to your prayers if you are cheating on your wife, mistreating and abusing her. Go and repent of these things and turn away from your ways and treat her as Christ commanded...then God will hear your prayers....

4. James 1:6-7:   But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

Do you believe you will receive what you are praying for? Do you really trust God to come through for you in your situation? Well...if you do not...you need to believe because if you do not then do not expect anything from God......You have to trust that He is more than capable of coming through for you when you ask.....

5. 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Underline the word IF, it shows a condition is placed, that only when the people who are called by His name will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways.....only then will He hear them from heaven and answer their prayer.......

So, no you cannot expect to live your life the way you want to and run to God when you need something and expect Him to act like a magician to grant you your wishes......you should repent of your sins and follow His commands.....

In conclusion.....

James 5:16: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Proverbs 15:29:The Lord is far from the wicked  but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

So you want your prayers to be powerful and effective? aim at pursing righteousness which starts with you confessing your sins and following His commands......

Its time for us to change our view of God, we need to understand that, He is ALL-MIGHTY, SOVEREIGN, ALPHA AND OMEGA, He deserves our very best and total submission....truth is He does not need you to pray to Him or acknowledge Him for Him to be God...He remains God.....and if we cannot see that we are the ones in need of a Savior then indeed we need saving........ and our view of prayer needs to change...

ARE YOU FOLLOWING CHRIST?

"Repeat this prayer after me and you will be saved"...that is what the preacher said and I followed the instructions......this was back when I had just joined High school ....I repeated that prayer every year whenever a 'good' preacher came to school to preach....then I finished my High School education......

Oh boy! This is when the rubber met the road....transitioning from living in a regulated environment full of girls to a world where I did not have anyone telling me to be somewhere at a specific place and all the boys around.....mama mia! I went on to enjoy life and 'experiment'....which led to a lot of heartache and pain ...but what was constant was a feeling of emptiness that never went away for like 6 years...I tried to take the feeling away by getting into relationships thinking that is what I needed.....PAUSE

...remember I had said that prayer that the preacher asked me to say and I knew I was saved and going to heaven but why did I not feel different? why did I not walk away from compromising situations? why did I go to places that you would not expect to find a Christian? why? Wasn't that prayer enough? why didn't my life look any different?

Fast forward...to when I was 23 years old...when the feeling of emptiness was at its peak! I was in a 'good' relationship with a 'good' guy...we looked cute together...everyone said we were meant to be.....but why was I so unhappy? why did I always feel like I chose that man over God?......

I mean...I heard the preacher say that once you say that prayer you are saved....and you will go to heaven but in my heart I knew I was heading to hell....

The day, I truly gave my life to Christ...........

This is how it looked like:

1. I walked away from my then boyfriend, because I was living in sin.......it broke my heart

2. I repented to God my sins and never looked back again...this was so hard!

3. I started spending regular time with God in prayer and reading His word

4. God put this blog in my heart and I wrote the first post ( this one) and scriptures flowed into my mind

5. I changed the music I listened to and the movies I watched....

So what is the difference?

The first time, I only said a prayer but I never truly repented.........the first time I did not think following Christ would cost me my life.....I just thought I would go back to how I lived....

So what does it mean to follow Christ?

1. Denying yourself

Math 16:24: Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

This means you will have to go against your feelings.....your comfort....your normal way of life...in short it means you will have to forget yourself and focus on pleasing Christ.

It means you will have to let go of certain relationships, you will have to stop going to certain places and you will have to change...you will have to change the music you listen to , the books you read and the movies you watch........and in some places it would mean losing your life for His sake....

2. Making Christ first

Luke 14:26: If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.

Definitely, He did not mean for us to literally hate them, but in the sense that....if you are to be His disciple you have to put Him first above ANYONE else in your life........in the way that you will always choose to follow His commands above pleasing anyone else.....

3. Spreading the good news

Luke 9:59-60: And He said to another, "Follow Me." But he said, "Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father." But He said to him, "Allow the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim everywhere the kingdom of God."
This means more than anything else, the most important thing for you as a Christian is to proclaim the good news.....this should always be something that comes first...that moves you everyday to make it your aim to spread the gospel........

At the end of this life I would hate to be told:- (Actually my biggest fear is to be told this)

Matthew 7:21-2:Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’  And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!

Many of us live in the illusion that being a follower of Christ means we only get to say a prayer and then we go back to living our 'perfect' lives where we live our lives the way we want.....claiming we believe in Christ.......but it takes more than just believing ...our lives have to change!!!

So no...you do not qualify to be a Christian just because you repeated a certain prayer...you only become one when you repent of your sins( completely turn around) and follow Christ...when you deny your self for His sake......

Look at the lives of all the people who had an encounter with God from....Abram to Abraham( father of faith) , Moses, Paul,......the disciples all these people...their lives changed and it showed that they are living for God more than they are living for themselves....

I do not write this because I am there but to urge you to make it your aim everyday to die to yourself so that Christ may live in you.....go beyond just believing that He died for you and live it out......